Memorial Day weekend officially marks the beginning of summer, and the beginning of summer blockbuster-movie season.
Recently studios have been pushing the blockbuster season earlier and earlier -- Iron Man 2 has been out for months, it seems -- but Memorial Day Weekend is still a date where they plant their bigfoot movies early and dare competitors to take them on.
Meaning it's usually a weekend of pre-sold sequels. The Indiana Jones movies, the Star Wars stuff, came out on Memorial Day Weekend.
So did a lot of bad movies for which studios had big hopes. Here are five that failed either financially or artistically or both.
What little charm The Flintstones had as an animated series -- and it wasn't much -- was taken completely out in this John Goodman-Rosie O'Donnell effort. In a cartoon, the cheapness of the animation of, say, a foot-powered car, isn't too offensive.
In a live-action movie, you just spend your time looking at how the various props are so badly put together. Community theater productions of Our Town have higher production values.
Check out the close-ups of Stallone starting about 20 seconds into this clip, where the woman in distress is on location and Sly, it's distressingly obvious, is in a studio. Bonus points for the sidekick getting all exasperated when Our Hero once again throws away the rule book because someone's in trouble, dammit.
And that's about all we could get through. Enjoy the other five minutes, if you dare.
3. Terminator Salvation
"Yeah, there's this guy named McG -- just McG -- and he's directed a couple of Charlie's Angels movies. We think he'd be perfect to do a bleak, pompous and pointless extension of a well-known franchise, without its signature star." What could go wrong?
Nothing about this movie was half as entertaining as Christian Bale's on-set rant. Although he did come through with a decent apology.
2. Pearl Harbor
Any movie about Pearl Harbor is going to have the audience waiting for the attack, but Pearl Harbor -- ye gods, Americans have never rooted so hard for the Japanese to get on the stick and attack us already. What's taking so long?
An absolute lack of chemistry between the actors, a terrible script, buffoonish directing by Michael Bay. Oh, and don't forget the jokes about stuttering.
"Size Does Matter," said the tagline on the posters, but what also matters is that your huge, massive monster shouldn't give the audience the feeling of an inflatable balloon when we see it stomp on things. Ghostbuster's Stay-Puf marshmallow man had more mass to it than this lizard.
Godzilla was hugely hyped -- a whole line of toys, tie-ins with fast-food companies, ads everywhere -- but its suckitude kept it from becoming a blockbuster.
Sex and City 2 and Prince of Persia, you're on the clock.