Perhaps you're one of the many Houstonians who decided to stay in this past weekend because you didn't want to "brave the cold weather."
I am putting those words in quotes because those are NOT my words. Those are YOUR words, and by "you" I mean the Houstonian who opens his or her weather app on the iPhone, sees that it's going to be a high of 47 and a low of 35 and thinks that he needs to layer up with three sweaters and a Gortex winter coat.
Oh, and hand warmers. Don't forget your hand warmers.
You people are ridiculous. The same eye rolling that all of you do when you hear about anyone north of like Arkansas complaining about humidity in the summertime? That's how the parts of the world that have actually seen a snowflake over the past decade roll their eyes at you.
You want to see winter? And no, I don't mean "Crap we need an umbrella, and it's windy at night" winter. I mean hardcore, treacherous winter. Check out this video of a 200-car pileup (not a misprint...200) in Michigan over the weekend.
This took place on I-94 in Battle Creek, Michigan, and shows the deadly havoc that is wrought through a combination of snow, low visibility and a jackknifed tractor trailer.
Observations from this 1:51 of true reality TV:
1. Um, holy shit.
2. At first, it's just a bunch of cars and trucks spun out and/or stuck in the snow, but when that first car comes sliding onto the scene sideways at about the 0:10 mark, it starts to get real.
3. Then the cars start hitting one at a time about 8-10 seconds apart and it sounds like bombs going off during the TV coverage of Desert Storm back in the early '90s, or like the gunshots when Chrissy and Paulie were chasing the Russian guy through the woods in the "Pine Barrens" episode of The Sopranos.
4. The first truck sliding in at around 0:26 is bad. It catches that tanker truck pretty flush and there's an eerie hissing noise afterwards like something gaseous is leaking. But that's nothing compared to the truck that comes in at 0:52. The guy recording this sounds like he's being forced to watch (or, in this case, actually film) an actual snuff film ("Oh no...he can't do anything....) when that truck comes in and crumples several tons of metal and rubber in front of him.
5. The child screaming at 1:18, for anybody who has kids, well...you know.
6. The SUV that wedges underneath the back of the 18-wheeler is easily the worst visual in this whole thing. And that's saying something because there is NOTHING but horrible visual images in this whole video.
In case you're wondering, here's the accident summary from the Detroit Free Press:
State police say 193 vehicles were involved in the pileup, including dozens of semis. A 57-year-old Canadian trucker, Jean Larocque, of Saint-Chrysostome, Quebec, was killed and about two dozen people injured.
A truck carrying fireworks caught fire, triggering a spectacular explosion of the cargo. That driver was not hurt.
So the next time you wish you had heated seats when it's 48 degrees outside, or complain that it's the third time you've had to wear your overcoat this winter, or brace yourself for the 45 degree blast of
lukewarm "cold" air that hits you in the face as you leave the office at night, just remember the sound of 193 cars running into each other eight seconds at a time.
Remember it as you're playing 18 holes of golf in February, an actual winter month in most parts of this country.
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