Let me preface what I'm about to say by saying that I like Rex Grossman. Kind of like pizza or midgets, he's always struck me as a clear "any time you add him to the current scenario, the atmosphere improves" kind of guy -- as long as the "current scenario" doesn't involve the mandate to avoid a turnover in the red zone.
Put it this way -- I'm down with any quarterback nicknamed the "Sex Cannon" whose signature move is to drop back in the pocket and heave the ball as far as he can down the field.
So I bring up this next story with nary a hint of disgust nor bewilderment. Just a casual chuckle and a shaking of the head.
The story is this --
The situation takes place with the Washington Redskins, so I'm not sure how many of you have noticed, although when you consider Mike Shanahan is the Washington head coach, and Shanny's being Emperor Palpatine to Gary Kubiak's Darth Vader and all, maybe more of you notice than I care to think.
Right now, the Washington Redskins quarterback situation is a big pile of suck. The clear-cut, most accomplished quarterback on the Redskins roster is Donovan McNabb, but after Team Shanahan (Mike and son Kyle) disrespected (read: benched) the veteran last year, the chances of McNabb's returning to Washington are about as decent as Arnold Schwarzenegger being invited to be the keynote speaker at a "Focus on the Family" retreat.
So with a clear QB power vacuum in effect in our nation's capital, backup John Beck (who I honestly did not even know was still playing pro football) decided to declare himself the starter on a Sirius XM radio show hosted by Rich Gannon and Adam Schein:
"I've been through crappy situations, and I've always just tried to maintain through this whole thing [that] I believe I'm a starter in the NFL and I'm not gonna let anybody tell me no," Beck said. "And if they try to tell me no, I'm not going to listen to them."
"This is XM Radio, right?" Beck asked [Ed. Note: It was, obvs.] "I basically say, 'Screw the awkwardness.' I'm trying to be the starting quarterback. I'll call whoever, try to set whatever up. If you don't think like a starter and act like a starter, your teammates probably aren't gonna believe you're the starter. So I'm thinking I'm the starter."
Number of John Beck starts the last three seasons: Zero. Number of John Beck throws the last three seasons: Zero. Number of outlandish John Beck interviews on Sirius XM Radio: One.
With Beck jamming his verbal "land claim flag" into the Redskins starting job that he's never had, someone who actually had that position at the end of last season decided to chime in.
Enter Sex Cannon...
On ESPN 980 in Washington, he told the hosts on a radio show that he thought he should be the starter...
"If you're asking me, I definitely feel like I'm the starter, but I'm not even signed yet so I'm assuming a lot of things here. I feel like I'm coming into the prime of my experience and I know exactly what I can do well, what my weaknesses are and what my strengths are and how it relates to this offense. I've been in a lot of situations, crucial games. I've played in a Super Bowl. I feel like I'm so much better than I was then that I'd love the opportunity to have a full season with this offense and have a whole season to really feel like this is my team.
"That's my goal and that's what I want to happen. I'm assuming a lot of things here, that I'm signed and they're going to do all those things. At the same time, I don't see why it doesn't make great sense."
There's a lot to like from those quotes -- Grossman's misguided claims of QB self-awareness, the validation crutch of "I've played in a Super Bowl" -- but my favorite part is the very first sentence: "If you're asking me, I definitely feel like I'm the starter, but I'm not even signed yet so I'm assuming a lot of things here."
Um, well, yeah. You do kind of need to be...ya know....signed to a contract to be the starter, Rex! Otherwise, any of us could just show up at Redskins camp and declare ourselves the starter. In fact, I could use a raise. I hear NFL quarterback is a pretty good paying gig. You know what, Rex? I think I'm the starter in Washington!
A bit of real talk for Rex -- if the Redskins thought you were the starter, you'd have had a contract before the lockout. There would be no ambiguity, and there would be no John Beck declarations of the job being his when he's never been able to hold a starting NFL job ever.
It's cool, though, Sex Cannon. There are 31 other starting jobs for which you're unsigned. Just declare yourself the starter for all of them. Something's gotta shake out, right?
Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 The Game from noon to 3 p.m. weekdays and follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.
Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.