Apparently, other game shows were getting tired of Wheel of Fortune getting all the attention in the dumb-ass community.
For here comes Family Feud.
In an NFL game, you never celebrate until the final gun has sounded. In baseball, you never celebrate until you've recorded the final out. In professional wrestling, you never celebrate until you've signed your extension with WWE and you know Vince McMahon isn't going to screw you.
And on the Feud, you never celebrate victory in the Fast Money round until you see the score tick to 200 or greater.
This family learned that the hard way...
Holy shit, right? Let's Zapruder this thing so that we've appropriately chronicled this historic failure....
0:01 -- Tim is batting leadoff in this two-person Feud tag team, and for brevity's sake, here are the five questions, followed by Tim's answer and score in parentheses:
1. On a scale of 1 to 10, what chance do you have of dating a girl who's a 10? TIM: FIVE (31)
2. Name a place where people keep checking their watch. TIM: AIRPORT (18)
3. Name a noisy insect. TIM: CRICKET (38)
4. Name something a person's belly does. TIM: GROWLS (42)
5. Fill in the blank: A married couple might be deeply in [what]? TIM: LOVE (53)
182 points! And we get a fantastic white-guy, two-inch-vertical-leap celebration to go with it! Bonus! Oh, and before we get to the hot tag over to Anna, a couple of quick Zapruder tangents at the 0:32 and 0:41 -- what's up with the reactions of the sister/wife/whatever-she-is in the pink dress? With every home-run answer Tim gave, she looked more and more like she was being saved by a televangelist. I think when the 42 for "GROWLS" came up, she started to cry!
Well, Anna will take care of this....
1:05 -- Here comes Anna from out of the backstage area, brimming with giddiness, with the awkward arm touch on Steve Harvey to boot. Apparently, the decorum of this family was already questionable, as Harvey pauses before giving Anna the good news that she only needs 18 points to win 20 grand for her family! This is like needing to score a 410 on the SAT to win 20 grand. Anyone can do this, right?
Let's find out....
1:34 -- Tim with a quick burst of bravado and an "I told you I'd crush it" (or something like that). Tim is like the '94 Reggie Miller of Feud players. Unfortunately, he's teamed up with '94 Lester Conner.
1:39 -- Harvey asks Anna how many points she needs. She correctly answers "18." This will be the final answer she gets correct.
1:44 -- "On a scale of 1 to 10, what chance do you have of dating a girl who's a 10?"
1:54 -- "FOUR" (Okay, not a terrible answer...)
1:57 -- "Name a place where people keep checking their watch."
1:58 -- "AT THE AIRPORT" (Uh-oh...)
2:01 -- "Try again."
2:03 -- "Um...RESTAURANT..." (Okay, kind of a terrible answer...)
2:04 -- "Name a noisy insect."
2:06 -- "....pass.... (Okay, that's actually not an answer at all, so by definition that's terrible....)
2:07 -- "Name something a person's belly does."
2:09 -- "GROWLS." (Double uh oh...)
2:10 -- "Try again."
2:14 -- "uhhhhh...THROWS UP..." (My stomach is throwing up at that answer...)
2:16 -- "Fill in the blank: A married couple might be deeply in [what]?"
2:18 -- "LOVE."
2:19 -- "Try again."
2:21 -- "....MARRIAGE..." (Why yes, Anna, married couples ARE deeply in marriage! Also, divorced couples are deeply in divorced, and fat couples are deeply in Ring Dings.)
2:24 -- Anna is, at the very least, self-aware enough to know she screwed up royally. Also, pink-dress chick looks like she was just told that Satan is coming over for dinner tomorrow.
2:27 -- You can hear Anna's family cheering for her off to the side, but it has that same "feel sorry for you" sound that my family had when they were cheering for me doing the butterfly stroke at a swim meet when I was ten and nearly drowned. (Butterfly stroke, you're an asshole, by the way.)
2:29 -- Steve Harvey looks pissed.
2:36 -- The dudes in the family are in some sort of prayer conga line, like this will somehow make "married couples being in marriage" a good answer or that miraculously, "pass" will be worth 50 points.
2:40 -- Harvey begins reading the answers, and it's going about how we all expected....ZERO....ZERO....ZERO....
3:10 -- Pan over to the conga line and Aaron looks like his stomach is about to throw up, or he needs his slice of that 20 grand really badly.
3:15 -- ....ZERO.....
3:31 -- Pan to Tim, who is trying to figure out a way to disown Anna and leave her somewhere in east L.A. on the way to the airport.
3:34 -- We are down to the final question, and Steve Harvey may as well be dressed as the grim reaper. Unless 18 people answered that married couples are deeply in MARRIAGE, this will be the "Oilers up 35-3 on Buffalo" of Feud episodes....survey says....
3:38 --- ....ZERO....
3:39 -- "Love was the number one answer."
Sure it is. The Beatles told us, "All you need is love."
Well, love and 18 points.
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