When a big sports news story breaks, my tendency is to spend about eight
seconds internalizing it and wondering what it means to the subject of said
news and what it means to me as a fan. From second number nine forward it’s
time to figure out other angles the news puts into play, what other people
are affected by whatever earthshaking occurrence just took place. It’s the
nature of talk radio — find a news item, analyze the obvious, then turn
your brain into vanilla pudding trying to find five or six other profound
ways a news item affects the well being of sports mankind.
The DeMeco Ryans story yesterday was an easy one. The first level of
thinking — “How does this affect DeMeco and how does this affect me as a
Texans fan?” — was pretty simple. DeMeco will be picking up the check on
the next few trips he makes to Morton’s and his grandkids shouldn’t have to
worry about getting what they want for Christmas. And Texans fans? Well,
we have one less thing to complain about. Dunta’s not here to kick around
anymore, DeMeco is now a multimillionaire, thank God the Texans are still
slow-playing Owen Daniels. We need SOMETHING to bitch about, dammit!
As for the “next level” thinking with the DeMeco story, my co-host John
Harris’ first thought was to San Francisco 49er Pro Bowl linebacker Patrick
Willis, who will soon be heading toward his second contract (or at least an
extension of his first contract) and you know the old adage — the people
you want to see get paid, in order:
1. Yourself
2. Comparable players at your position
3. Your friends
(For the record, the bottom three on that list are as follows:
1. The government
2. Reality TV stars
3. Tracy McGrady)
That said, Harris’ point is a good one — other than for DeMeco Ryans and
Karlos Dansby themselves (Dansby, if you recall, and if you’re a diehard
Texans fan you do, got a virtually identical contract to the one DeMeco
signed yesterday from the Miami Dolphins in free agency earlier this
offseason), the winner yesterday was Patrick Willis and any other young,
aspiring inside linebacker that has “sign eight-figure contract” on his
bucket list.
For me, my first “next level thought” was actually not even of another
Texans player, or even someone in football at all. I thought about
Astros’
General Manager Ed Wade. As sports fans, we like to constantly assess
the
people running our teams because…well, frankly, we all think we could
do a
better job. The fact of the matter is unless you live in the same town
as a
team for which Isiah Thomas is the GM, you’re probably wrong, but it
doesn’t
stop us from making the buck stop, so to speak, with a team’s upper
management.
Look at our teams in Houston — Daryl Morey, through his own keen acumen
and
the generosity of his owner, is able to piece together virtually any
type of
deal he pleases. Rick Smith finally showed yesterday that he has the
chops
and the bankroll to get a deal done with one of the core pieces of what
we
all hope is a playoff team. And then there’s poor Ed Wade, who is stuck
in
his third year of purgatory (Purpura-gatory?) making the personnel
decisions
for the Astros, completely hamstrung (no pun intended) by big contracts
to
Roy Oswalt (maybe still worth it), Lance Berkman (rapidly becoming not
worth
it), and Carlos Lee (never will be worth it).
If Ed Wade were a high
school
student competing to get into an Ivy League school, he’d be like Corey
Haim’s character in the movie Lucas…probably smart enough and
naturally
curious enough to get in, but unfortunately he is growing up in a
trailer
with a demented, semi-maladjusted old man of a father so he’s entering
the
playing field severely handicapped. Meanwhile, Rick Smith just bought
another Beemer yesterday…a $48 million one, to be exact.
Here in Houston, we’re fired up about the DeMeco signing, and with
DeMeco
having been to a couple Pro Bowls now, this moves the meter nationally
for
the Texans; also, It’s not ultra-sexy, but it’s a sign that the core
players want to play here and that management, when it makes sense, will
pay
for production. You have to follow the Texans week to week to know what
DeMeco means to this team and the defense. He’s a little like Dwight
Shrute
that way; if you watch The Office, you know what I mean. Michael
Scott
(Steve Carrell) is the face on the marquee, but also the one with the
lowest
floor and highest ceiling and the one who frankly makes us most
uncomfortable defending his actions. Michael Scott is Mario Williams.
Andy
“Nard Dog” Bernard is fantastic, but he wasn’t here in the beginning so
our
bond with him doesn’t run quite as deep. Brian Cushing is the Nard Dog.
But Dwight Shrute brings it week in and week out. When The Office is
bad,
and it has been way too often in the last couple years, it’s because the
Michael Scott character has been a little uneven or because we’re just
fed
up with being force-fed Jim and Pam (oh, Jim and Pam are Dunta Robinson,
did
I mention that?). Nard Dog is amazing, but he wasn’t here during the
beginning, we haven’t quite fully invested in him yet. But
Dwight…even
during bad episodes we come away saying “Yeah but, Dwight Shrute was
still
hilarious.” Shrute is the unsung glue holding together that ball of
dysfunction known as Dunder Mifflin. And for four years, Ryans has been
the
Texans’ Dwight Shrute.
Trust me, DeMeco, it’s a compliment. You didn’t need to write a damn
thing
on your shoes. Rick paid the right guy.
Now the question becomes “Who is the Texans’ Todd Packer?”
Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 The Game from 3-7 p.m. weekdays on the
Sean & John Show, and follow him on Twitter at
http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.
This article appears in Mar 25-31, 2010.
