The title of my post last Friday, "My Bracket Looks Like Edward James Olmos' Face", actually came from one of my Twitter followers (@jamesmthomson). Like any blogger of integrity, I gave James full credit while inside hoping that you would ignore said credit and think that I was actually the one with the sense of humor. For my sake, hopefully, mission accomplished.
Now, keep in mind that blog post went up just after lunch on Friday. In other words, it went up more than a day BEFORE Villanova rolled over against St. Mary's, Kansas got Farokhmaneshed by Northern Iowa, and Cornell thought it would be a good idea to make Jay Bilas look like some cross between John Wooden and Nostradamus. (For those who don't know, Bilas picked the 12-seed Ivy league champs to advance to the Elite Eight. Naturally, he's 40 minutes from being correct.)
So by the time Sunday night rolled around, most of us were sifting through the rubble of some barely recognizable document that at one time housed a bracket of hope. Put it this way -- last night, my buddy Miguel (@MigM_ on Twitter if you need him, by the way) told me that he had eight of the Sweet Sixteen correct, three of his Final Four still alive, and that included both of his finalists.
In most years, that would put you on life support. This year, Miguel will likely be eating his next dozen or so meals at Morton's. It's been that crazy.
When it gets like this, you can do one of two things. You can turn into a violent curmudgeon, break furniture, curse your spouse, all because you incorrectly predicted the biorhythms of a bunch of 18-22 year olds. Or alternatively, you can laugh and poke fun at the situation.
Largely because I can't afford new furniture and because I have no spouse (two conditions that are inextricably linked, by the way), I choose to laugh at the terror the basketball gods have inflicted upon us. Many of you have chosen to, as well. So today, in honor of the sixteen remaining teams, I give you the Tweet Sixteen -- the sixteen best (and most printable) tweets that I received from people about their brackets...
A nice Tiger Woods blast right out of the chute. Well played, Steve. Ryan, care to get in on the act?
2. My bracket has been effed so many times that not even Tiger would bother texting it. (@RyanLostinTX)
3. My bracket's such a damn mess that John Daly just told it to get its shit together in life. (@Willinthe713)
Now THAT, my friends, is a damn mess. Stay thirsty.
Hey, how about a solid Seinfeld reference? A virtual lock to make the Tweet Sixteen....
4. My bracket looks like Tony after he went rock-climbing with George. (@romsho)
Nicely done, Rick. For those who need a refresher...
How about some good movie references? Last American Virgin end credits, anyone?
5. My Bracket is so bad that I've smudged all the ink on the page while crying to, "Just Once" by James Ingram. (@SteveintheKT, again! He's en fuego...)
6. My bracket looks like Daniel Larusso's bike. Stupid bike. (@Cody_Love)
Check that, I might hate my brackets more than he hated that bike. Good thing Moms was there to console ol' Danny L. Wish my mom was there after I got gang plundered by Ali Farokhmanesh, Omar Samhan, and Andy Bernard.
It would have been easier if they just Marvin-ed me. Pulp Fiction coming....
7. My bracket is like Marvin after a ride with V. Vega. Its so bad The Wolf couldnt even fix it and he was still curt w me! (@htownlawya)
While we're discussing gun violence, there were lots of mafia references made by people regarding their brackets. We'll let my producer Kyle in with the requisite Godfather reference...
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8. My bracket looks like Sonny Corleone after he got whacked (@taskmaster1560)
Oh, you mean this?
"Look how they massacred Kyle's brackets!!!" Unfortunately, all of our powers and all of our skills can do nothing to bring our dead brackets back.
Staying with the mob theme, how about some Sopranos?
9. My bracket looks like Tony's driver from Season 6 after he asserted he was still tough. (@Cody_Love, again. Well done, Stoots.)
Hey, this is technically a sports blog post, so how about a few sports references? Nothing says "crushed brackets" like a good hockey reference....
10. Clint Malarchuk's neck thinks my bracket is a bloody mess.
Point of reference...
Brutal. Let's get away from all this blood, shall we? When you need to get away from gore, you go to the old standby...making fun of personal appearences. Like this....
11. My bracket looks worse than Ronaldhino's smile (@michaelwojo)
Sticking with personal appearance as a object of derision, how about a good old-school "blading wrestler" tweet?
12. My bracket looks like a combination of Dusty Rhodes, Ric Flair & Abdullah the Butcher's foreheads.
That's no good...
13. My bracket looks like a Charley Casserly draft board. (@Dbot1800)
Casserly barbs are a sure thing. Hey, let's give one of the newest contributors at 1560 The Game (Tony "The Hatchet Man" Valentine) some love with a tweet from our very own, Danny Vara!
14. My bracket smells like tilapia toro left out in the sun at Hatchetman's Discount Sushi Emporium. (@heydannyv)
For those who haven't heard the Hatchet Man, just treat yourself and take a few minutes. He's outstanding....
And finally, two truly tasteless tweets to close it out:
16. My bracket looks like it went on a airplane ride with Boddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and the Big Bopper. (@Chris_Hill_)
Cue the *La Bamba* funeral procession for everyone's bracket. Except Miguel's.
Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 The Game from 3-7 p.m. weekdays on the Sean & John Show, and follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.