4

Gary Kubiak Deathwatch: He Is Risen

^
Keep Houston Press Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Houston and help keep the future of Houston Press free.

Bob McNair's decision to retain Gary Kubiak -- yes, there's a Hitler video about it -- shakes at the very foundations of belief in a sane, logical universe.

What kind of owner brings back Kubiak? The kind of owner who hires Wade Phillips as defensive coordinator, that's who.

Just think -- back when we first instituted the Gary Kubiak Deathwatch, we forgot to include a setting that said, "Not only is he back, but it's Wade Phillips Time!!" We probably were too taken in by all that Dallas Cowboys Super Bowl talk.

So, fans, your 2011 Texans!! The offense led by a man who should have been fired for producing an utterly inept team, and a defense led by a man who was fired for producing an utterly inept team.

(Yes, yes, we know the Kubiak offense was a steamrolling juggernaut which struck fear in every NFL team even as it lost to almost every NFL team.)

Why is Kubiak coming back? Sure, there's the "pictures of McNair with a goat" theory, but we dismiss that. To a degree.

We offer five possible explanations:

a) Gary Kubiak must buy a whole lot of season tickets, since he sure doesn't sell them

b) McNair was going to fire Kubiak, but the chance to pair him with Wade Phillips was irresistible

c) GM Rick Smith told McNair keeping Kubiak was the "smart move," and when has Rick Smith ever been wrong about anything?

d) If there's one thing Bob McNair admires, it's a stout brushcut head of hair

e) McNair knows there's not going to be a 2011 season because of the lockout, so why should he pay a new coach to sit and do nothing?

Have a happy offseason, Texans fans!

Follow Houston Press on Facebook and on Twitter @HairBallsNews or @HoustonPress

Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.

 

Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.

 

Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.