Gay Mermaid Ornaments: Why the Hell Not?

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We did not know this, but apparently there's a gay thing about mermaid ornaments. You go on Web sites that sell Christmas stuff to Teh Gheys, and chances are you'll see some mermaids and mermans.

Why? Mermaids have always seemed sexless to us. Sure, you've got the boobs, but there seems to be an insurmountable problem when it comes to spreading legs. Mermans, it must be said, we've never thought about.

And, we guess, not all of these mermaid things are directed at the GLBT market.

In any case, if you don't have any idea what we're talking about, here are seven examples.

7. The Executive
Until we noticed the briefcase, we thought this was a clean-cut young actor starring in Billy Budd.

6. The Nurse
She works nights at St. Bernadette's, patron saint of the unbuttoned.

5. Three dudes
Bette Midler groupies, maybe?

4. The Hoodie Wearer
Because mermans need hoodies, too. Sparkly, sequined, fabulous hoodies.

3. The Shopper
Innocent wee Ariel, all gown up and blowing every last one of her Little Mermaid royalties on Rodeo Drive. A Playmermaid spread can't be far behind.

2. The Appletini Drinker
Having a ball hanging with all of her gay posse at the Thursday-night drag show. She can't wait to appall her uptight co-workers tomorrow with tales of her edgy fun.

1. A "Hag" of Some Kind
Middle-aged, baby's got back and a shoulder to cry on when your latest boyfriend dumps you for a one-night stand with a hottie.

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