Who knows why 34-year-old Gerry Todd Greenwood allegedly deemed it a good idea to get plastered last Friday morning? Maybe it was the spring air we've been enjoying. Maybe Thursday night never ended for the Jasper man. Or perhaps he just woke up that morning and fell victim to the seductive sentiments of this Internet meme:
At any rate, Greenwood apparently decided that the little matter of his being snot-slingin' drunk was not going to stop him from ticking all the boxes on his Friday to-do list. Unfortunately for him, one of those appointments was a meeting with his probation officer.
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According to this report, Jasper cops were summoned to the Jasper County Probation Office at 1 p.m. last Friday after receiving a report of a drunk probationer. There they found Greenwood and administered him some sobriety tests, which he failed. He then submitted to a breathalyzer and blew a number somewhere in the vicinity of twice the legal limit, a level of intoxication known technically to scientists as "shithoused."
Greenwood was initially detained but let go after authorities couldn't find a judge to arraign him -- with it being Friday afternoon, they were probably all out on the links nipping golf-bag Scotch by then. Finally Greenwood was cited for public intoxication and released, with more trouble expected this week. As with very many probationers, Greenwood was barred from booze.
The cause of Greenwood's term of probation was not given, but we turned up evidence that it just might have been for a DWI, if you can believe that.