Girl and Boy Split. Who Keeps Which Facebook Friends?

Ready to put your thinkin' cap on? 'Cause we're gonna need some crowd participation here. It's like a Choose Your Own Adventure, only with zero page-turning, and we're pretty much selecting the shenanigans for you. It's our blogpost, and we'll pull a Fidel Castro if we want to.

Okay, so, you're fairly familiar with our opening scenario already -- a few sideways glances, a few Shiners, and after wading through a few pools of strangers later, Girl and Boy finally meet. Inevitably, Girl and Boy hit it off. Girl and Boy exchange numbers. Girl and Boy stalk each other online, then become friends on Facebook. Girl and Boy hang out -- ahem, make out -- whenever and wherever they can. Girl and Boy hit the town, sometimes with his friends and sometimes with her friends. Girl's friends and Boy's friends interconnect in real and virtual life. Girl and Boy become an item.

All is well in the world, online and offline.

Girl and Boy are both friendly, social networkin'-lovin' types of folks. Girl especially likes everyone to be a chum of hers, and usually succeeds, except for a very few jilted ex-lovers sportin' teeny selections from the man-meat department.

So, in the same vein, Girl sends Boy's sister a message on Facebook -- in a measure of genuine friendship and not in a disguised attempt to unearth information -- to see how she is doing at grad school in Europe. Girl has met Boy's sister. Girl and Boy's sister got along smashingly.

A few days later, Boy initiates incredibly awkward instant message conversation with Girl about said attempted Facebook interaction. In truth, Boy freaks the fuck out. Boy tells Girl that it makes him feel "very uncomfortable" that Girl messaged Boy's sister, because Girl's only connection to Boy's sister is through him.

Girl shakes her head in disbelief, but does not bother explaining the Web 2.0 phenomenon of connecting with people online. Girl thinks Boy should get his head out of his tunnel-visioned ass. Girl chucks Boy to the curb and buys a nice blue vibrator with a nice, veiny shaft.

Girl feels bad about herself, because Boy has insulted the fundamentals of Girl's personality. Then Girl gets a grip and realizes she's spectacular, while Boy is psychotic. Girl decides to block Boy on instant messenger. Girl sees no point in dealing with Boy's irrational territorial pissings.

In the meantime, months pass, and Girl begins to note that one of her closest female friends has begun posting dodgy Facebook status updates about her whereabouts and her choice of nightlife company. Over instant messenger, Girl's friend admits to Girl that she and Boy have become fabulous, lifelong friends behind her back.

Girl can't avoid inhaling the strong fragrance of hypocrisy. Girl snorts with indignation. Girl introduced them! How could they? Those assholes. Girl holds her shady friend at arm's length from here on out. Girl defriends and blocks Boy on Facebook.

Boy is irked. Girl is irked. The brief courtship ended, but the lingering connections remain. So the question is: Who keeps the spoils of this -- or any -- failed union?

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Fayza Elmostehi
Contact: Fayza Elmostehi