^
Keep Houston Press Free
4

Gone To Join The Choir Invisible

Read the

Houston Chronicle

’s death notices long enough, and you’ll realize there are more than 1,000 ways to die. Not physical causes of death, mind you: we’re talking about hundreds and hundreds of manners in which to euphemistically describe the act of dying. While most are said to have simply “died,” “passed away,” “expired,” “departed,” or some variation of “went to be with the Lord,” others are magnificently grandiloquent.

Hair Balls scoured a month of them and came up with the following actual examples:

“Another WWII era B-24 warrior/pilot was released from his earthly bounds [sic]”

“Completed her marathon of life”

“Finished the race”

“God wrapped his loving arms around her and took her home”

“Graduated from this life and was called home to be with the Lord Jesus Christ”

“Left to go fishing”

“Like a warm gentle breeze, the spirit of our beloved mother drifted away to be with our father”

“Received her jewel-laden crown as she entered the doors of the holy mansion”

“Will be funeralized”

“With the passing of [Jane Doe], the earth lost some of its sparkle today and the Heavens gained the glitter that once gleamed in her eyes”

“Took his last Corps trip” (The deceased was an Aggie.)

“Went to play the back nine”

I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Houston and help keep the future of Houston Press free.

“Made his ‘transition’ on July 20, 2008, immediately following his ‘British Open’ extravaganza”

“Left us to make Tee Time with our Lord”

Man, apparently golf is very serious business indeed. And I guess that last person will know by now if it’s true that not even God can hit a one-iron.

John Nova Lomax

Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.

 

Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.

 

Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.