Headlines We'll Never Believe: "Why Beyoncé Is Beyond Embarrassed She's the World's Most Beautiful Woman"

In case you are just now emerging from your isolation chamber, Houston's Beyoncé has been named People magazine's Most Beautiful Woman.

According to our friends at CultureMap, she is "beyond embarrassed" about this.

To which we cheerfully say: Bullshit.

As evidence, CultureMap cites this "behind the scenes" video of People's cover shot.

Now, you would think that simply the existence of a behind-the-scenes video documenting your hours of posing for the perfect airbrushed shot of a mass-distribution magazine is QED proof that Beyoncé is embarrassed about the whole thing, but there's more!

In it she says, "Being named the world's most beautiful woman is really hard to say. It's overwhelming, it makes me feel crunchy, which means embarrassed."

Since every millisecond of Beyoncé's pregnancy (conspiracy theorists: we know, we know) has been micromanaged from a publicity standpoint, we can only imagine the negotiations for this cover "story" were only slightly less complicated than the Law of the Sea conference.

We're sure all the talks were necessary to do as much as possible to minimize Beyoncé's embarrassment.

Let's just say we're not totally convinced that the idea of choosing Beyoncé originated on the People magazine side of the equation.

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Richard Connelly
Contact: Richard Connelly