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HEB Stores Ban Luv, Causing Severe Problems To Playas Everywhere

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First they came for the peanut butter, then they came for the love.

Just a day after HISD banned peanut butter on its campuses, the HEB grocery-store chain announced it is taking off its shelves every bag of "Luvs Candy Text Messages," which sounds like someone's cutting-edge idea on how to bring those old "I Love U" candy hearts into the Space Age.

"The fruit-flavored candy, manufactured by ZED Candy may contain foreign material," HEB announced. "There have been no reports of illnesses or injuries; however, H-E-B is taking all necessary precautions. 'We are committed to absolute and complete food safety,' said Winell Herron, H-E-B Group Vice President of Public Affairs and Diversity. 'The product was removed from all our stores shelves early this afternoon and has been disposed of safely.'"

We guess we'll have to change our Valentine's Day plans, which were based largely on the strategic use of Luvs Candy Text Messages.

We only hope our marriage can survive the blow.

-- Richard Connelly

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