Housrou Kedji's got 85 problems, but a bitch ain't one. Except for the bitch of shitting out 85 cocaine-filled condoms while law enforcement agents watched.
Kedji was acting very, very nervous as he boarded a plane at Bush Intercontinental June 29, according to court documents. "His heart was racing, his hands were shaking and he relayed conflicting stories about his whereabouts and activities in Houston," the criminal complaint says. (How they knew his heart was racing, it doesn't say.)
Kedji initially denied having swallowed any narcotics, but eventually admitted it. The ICE officials x-rayed him, took him to the bathroom and whoever drew the short straw stayed with him from 5:27 a.m. until 10:30 a.m.
"Kedji began expelling pellets," is the euphemism ICE uses; the first pellet tested positive for coke, and Kedji "continued expelling similar sized and shaped pellets until approximately 10:31 a.m., on July 21, when his x-ray was clear of pellets."
Kedji had told officers he had swallowed "about 80" condoms, so the five must have been a little lagniappe. Or maybe you lose count.
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The crap-stained haul eventually amounted to about one kilogram of the drug, which was headed for Europe on an Air France flight.