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Houston Texans Cheerleaders in 360 Degrees

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I confess. I don’t spend as much time over at the Texans Web site as maybe I should. Otherwise, I would’ve known of the Web features involving the Texans cheerleaders long before I read about them over at Deadspin.com.

What features, you’re asking? Well, did you know that not only can you click on pictures of the individual young ladies, not only can you read bios, but you get to look at a gallery of photos and you get to learn a few of their favorite things?

But that’s not my favorite thing. Did you know that the Texans have a Cheerleader of the Week? Yep. And did you know how you find the ex-Cheerleaders of the Week? Simple, you just click on the link for COW Archive. That’s right, they’re all COWS.

But I’m not finished. It gets better.

Did you know if you click on a girl’s name, that you can make her dance? Just click the dance button and she’ll do a dance for you. Then, even better, click on the 360 button and she’ll rotate in a circle for you – but the photo stops at the waist so you don’t get a nice ass shot.

This would be all well and good, and normal – have you ever checked out the stuff involving the Chargers or Eagles cheerleaders? – if it weren’t for the sanctimonious crap I read in the Chron last week about the Texans cheerleaders’ swimsuit calendar.

Like how the Texans were concerned with taste and positive image, telling the Chron, “We've been waiting a while to get the owner's — Mr. (Bob) McNair's — approval for a calendar. I think there was a concern of keeping a positive image and keeping it respectful and tasteful. We accomplished that with the pictures. It's a swimsuit calendar but very tasteful, and the net proceeds are going to charity.”

After all, they told the Chron, they didn’t want the cheerleaders looking all slutty. “Like the Philadelphia Eagles. They had a lingerie calendar (2005-06). Theirs is very racy, the raciest in the NFL. The Washington Redskins and the Dallas Cowboys are a little more provocative (than the Texans). We had to make sure we were w-a-a-a-y underneath them (in being provocative).”

So, let me see if I get this straight. The Texans keep it respectful and tasteful by storing them in the COW archives, letting you click a button to make their images dance, and by giving you the chance to rotate their bodies 360 degrees?

Yeah, that’s tasteful and respectful. Stay classy, Texans. -- John Royal

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