Officer: License and insurance, please.
Driver: Yezzur, Ocifer.
Officer: You been drinking tonight?
Driver: Um, nozzur.
Officer: You sure about that? Your speech seems pretty slurred.
Driver: Naw, man, I wuz just, um, coming back from a meth lab.
Officer: Excuse me?
Driver: Oh, I mean, I'm not drunk. I'm just dwiving back from vizziting a prostitute.
Officer: A prostitute? Sir, you realize prostitution is a crime.
Driver: Izit? My bad. I meant a haveway house for iwegal immigrants.
Officer: Illegal immigrants? I assume you know that's illegal as well. You sure you haven't been drinking?
Driver: Okay, okay, actually, I'm driving my wife to the hozpital. She's pregnant.
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SHOW ME HOW
Officer: Sir, you're the only one here.
Driver: A cock fight?
Officer: Step out of the car, please.
-- Keith Plocek