I Wanna Be Your Dog (Or Cat): One For You, Nineteen For Me

Keep Houston Press Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Houston and help keep the future of Houston Press free.

Ah, April 14 -- the last day before taxes are due. If you listen closely, you can hear the frantic panic of folks who waited until the last minute to file. And this tax season was especially rough, what with the Obama administration's new mandate that even domestic animals have to pay taxes. Does this foreign-born president's lust for communism know no bounds?! If you are one of the lucky folks who've already filed and who have a firm command of the tax code, maybe you can help these adoptable Bureau of Animal Regulation and Care critters file their forms in the nick of time. And then you can take one of 'em home with you!

BENTLEY  A1002082

Poor Bentley: first, this handsome, year-old keeshond mix was surrendered by his owner. Then, some incompetent accountant told him that dogs who get neutered can write off their testicles as a deduction. Talk about adding insult to injury. Now he needs to start all over again, and Bentley has absolutely tons of receipt-filled shoeboxes to go through. What this guy needs is a dedicated CPA, and an owner of the non-douche persuasion, as he's already experienced that.


MAX    A1019979

This year-old Tibetan terrier mix was on the way to the mailbox with his 1040-EZ when his hick inbred owner grabbed him, threw him in the Ranchero (with flames on the hood) and dropped him off at BARC. Before Tweedle-Dum drove off to tell his parole officer how he's totally been staying at least 1,000 feet from elementary schools, he wrote down his reason for surrendering Max as "other pet." So basically, Max may get the needle because his troglodyte owner couldn't count. His taxes are already done, but, sadly, he may soon be done as well. (Just as an aside: look at those eyes and that tongue! This is one of the coolest dogs we've ever seen).


TRACI    A1015644

This absolutely adorable year-old dalmation mix came to BARC as a pregnant stray, but she's since been neutered. The problem is, she now has a bunch of dependents to list on her taxes. And can she include the ones who have been adopted? What if an inspector comes by to count all her children, and she can't find them? What's a single mother to do? Please take this gorgeous dog, and her 1040, into your home.


PEACHES   A1015548

You know what's awesome? Peaches. You know what's not awesome? Getting audited. And that's just what happened to this year-old Boston terrier mix last year, after her salary skyrocketed and the IRS grew suspicious. There was an innocent explanation -- she advanced practically overnight from waitress to regional manager; the fastest-rising dog in Chili's history -- but it was still a traumatic experience. Please help her make sure she never has to go through anything like that again. Oh, and please help her not die.


ROCKY  A1019835

Because he's only four months old, Rocky didn't have to file this year, but that doesn't mean he didn't work. This enterprising stray rottweiller supported himself a number of ways, including stints as a stevedore and Department of Defense contractor. Confucius once said "Person with rottweiler very happy person." And when that dude wasn't on a fortified wine bender, he was super-intelligent. Stop by and see Rocky today.


DOMINO  A1014064

We've always been partial to animals named after Van Morrison songs; we fondly recall an airedale named Saint Dominic's Preview and a beautiful Siamese named T.B. Sheets. But those critters never had to worry about taxes. And let's face it: This six-month-old stray is way too busy staring knowingly into the distance to worry about such trivial matters as FICA withholdings and gross wages earned. Please take Domino home with you and file her taxes, so she can continue the full-time job of being kick-ass.


LEXIE   A1018321 

Just to clarify, the one up for adoption is the cat in the foreground, not the bespectacled human behind her. An 8-month-old stray, Lexie has been in a debate with the IRS for the past few months over whether she should be allowed to claim her astoundingly long and thick whiskers as dependents. We are firmly on Lexie's side, if just for those bitchin' eye-whiskers. This is one cat that absolutely demands snuggling. Don't disobey.


And here are three others who totally need you to open your heart and home:

VELVET  A1014804

STAN    A1017736

HOLLY   A1014640

Thanks as always to our intrepid photographer Robyn Arouty, who has a kick-ass new website you can visit here. And remember -- PetSmart gift cards are still available, so hop to it. 

Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.


Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.