Illicit Cig Leads to Odd Lufkin Donnybrook

Yesterday's police report in the Lufkin Daily News led with an odd item, a month to the day after we reported another cigarette-related incidence of domestic mayhem in that Piney Woods metropolis.

Apparently a woman and her live-in boyfriend got in a fight after she caught him smoking a cigarette given to him by another woman. Evidently, the girlfriend either really, really hates tobacco or interpreted this nicotine infusion as a form of cheating, because the report goes on to state that she "slapped her boyfriend" because of that cigarette.

The boyfriend responded by slapping and punching her right back, whereupon a second woman on the scene conked the boyfriend on the head with a paint can, thereby (temporarily) ending the couple's combat.

The boyfriend then reportedly attempted to drive away, but the girlfriend "use a stick to damage the vehicle's windshield," an action which unsurprisingly "resulted in another physical altercation between the woman and her boyfriend."

Apparently, the girlfriend had found time to call for back-up, because while this round of Marlboro Mayhem was ongoing, her brother arrived and joined forces against the smoker.

Finally, the boyfriend was able to break free of his assailants and make his retreat in his damaged car, whereupon the girlfriend called the cops.

Wait, what?

She called the cops?

Since the girlfriend is referred to as the complainant, she was apparently the source of the report. That means this woman apparently admitted to police that she smacked her man upside the head because she didn't approve of his nicotine fix for whatever reason.

After he (unwisely, but under extreme provocation) hit her back, her friend bashed him in the melon with a paint can. And then when the guy was trying to get away, the girlfriend busted his windshield with a stick, and called her brother in to kick his ass.

And then she called the cops and was apparently not arrested after admitting to hitting him first and then vandalizing his car while he was trying to leave.

If the complaining witness in this case had been a man, we're having a hard time believing he would have stayed out of the pokey, which is where this woman deserved to go.

KEEP THE HOUSTON PRESS FREE... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
John Nova Lomax
Contact: John Nova Lomax