You can't blame Andre Johnson for leaving Houston, primarily because he was basically asked to leave. Sure, the team described a diminished role for him in 2015 under which he could have remained a Texan (likely at a lower wage), but the man has pride. Being some 40 catch slap nuts behind some to-be-determined draft pick or free agent?
Not for this future Hall of Famer, Andre essentially said.
So he shook hands with the franchise, said trade me or cut me, and they obliged. That's fine. Again, Andre is inflicting no pain by looking out for his own best interests.
Now, Andre Johnson's choosing the G***MN M****R F****NG INDIANAPOLIS COLTS as his next employer!! Well, that's just plain painful. It's hurtful. It's enough to make a grown man cry. In fact, some of you are probably crying reading this.
Wanna cry some more? Well, here!! Here you go....
— Indianapolis Colts (@Colts) March 11, 2015
That, my friends, is what we wrestling dorks call a "heel turn," a stunning twist where one of our heroes becomes a villain, and in the process rips out the hearts of his old friends and shows it to them before biting into it like a Macintosh apple.
Behind those dulcet tones, those sparse words, and that tiny smirk is a vengeful heart, one that seeks to make all of Houston cry. Cry like a toddler, I say!!
So in honor of Andre Johnson (the Hulk Hogan of the Houston Texans, if there ever was one), here are five wrestling heel turns, ALL involving Hulk Hogan. Enjoy!
5. Paul Orndorff Turns On Hulk Hogan, 1986 This was early on in Hogan's WWF tenure. After Orndorff had been summarily dismissed by the "Rowdy" Roddy Piper camp as the scapegoat for losing the main event at the first Wrestlemania, "Mr. Wonderful" was befriended by Hogan, I guess because both were tan and musclebound. They had that in common, I suppose. What else do you need, right? Well, like any relationship that's built merely on physical attraction, eventually Hogan and Orndorff were undone by "Mr. Wonderful's" professional jealousy. This seven minute synopsis video of the unraveling of their friendship is outstanding, especially Vince McMahon's sweatsuit....
4. Andre the Giant Turns On Hulk Hogan, 1987 Apparently, prior to this, for years (the storyline went) Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant had been best buds (even though anyone who was alive in 1980 knew that they fought each other at Shea Stadium that year, and Hogan was actually a heel!). Well, much like Mr. Wonderful, Andre the Giant was fed up with Hogan's usurping the spotlight. He wanted a shot at the title, dammit!! And what better way to get one than by ripping off Hogan's t-shirt and crucifix on Piper's Pit! (Back then, when shit needed to get done, they'd put it on Piper's Pit. That was like the Outside The Lines of the 80's wrestling world...
3. Randy Savage Turns On Hulk Hogan, 1989 Man, did Hogan have some relationship issues back in the day or what? After his Wrestlemania 3 tussle with Andre, Hogan was drawn into a friendship of convenience with Randy" Macho Man" Savage by Savage's then-wife Elizabeth, mostly because Savage had no friends to help him fend off the Honky Tonk Man, who himself spent most of the fall of 1987 breaking guitars over Savage's head. (Right about here is where non-wrestling fans are probably clicking to another story, by the way.) Eventually, it was the perceived lust in Hogan's eyes for Elizabeth that made Savage completely reevaluate their friendship. The only winner here was the female genitalia, who remains undefeated to this day....
2. Hulk Hogan Turns on WCW, Creates New World Order Finally (and it took long enough), Hogan wised up and realized that it's a lot more fun being on the side that stabs everyone in the back than being the back whom gets stabbed each time. So he decided to completely send wrestling off its hinges, conveniently leg dropping the aforementioned Savage in the process....
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1. Old, Limping Hulk Hogan Gets Superkicked by Shawn Michaels, sometime after 2002 But, unfortunately, here is your proof that old people are just too trusting. This is like wrestling's equivalent of your grandmother getting swindled in an email scam by the son of the ostracized King of Zamunda....
Feel better now, Texan fan? Yeah, me neither.