As you walk two mushy downtown blocks on a blazing August afternoon in Houston, surely the question that comes to your mind is "Isn't this fun?"
Or maybe not.
Anyway, the extremely important publication Portfolio has done an extremely scientific survey of the "most fun" cities in America, and you may not be shocked to learn that Houston isn't in the top 10.
Nor in the top 20. Or 30.
Portfolio studied such things as shopping, food and drink, culture, sports, all that stuff.
And among the cities more fun than Houston are Harrisburg, Pennsylvania and Hartford, Connecticut. And it's not because the list is in alphabetical order; it isn't. It's in fun order. Allegedly.
Also more fun than us: Scranton, Pennsylvania, Buffalo and Youngstown, Ohio -- the Golden Triangle of fun Rust Belt cities.
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Portfolio's list does say Houston is more fun than Allentown, Pennsylvania, so there's that. We're also somehow more fun than Austin.
Of the seven categories used, Houston's best showing was in, of all things, gambling. So the best thing about our town is driving a couple of hours out to one of those hellhole Louisiana-border casinos? Maybe the Portfolio people are just inordinately fond of the 9-Line machines in every Pasadena convenience store.
Anyway, here's Houston's new national anthem: