Just imagine how many more souls Jesus Christ could have saved if he had a helicopter. That would've cut the commute from Tiberias to Jericho by at least a fortnight. So there's no reason that, in 2013, a preacher of the gospel shouldn't be able to spread the word as quickly and efficiently as possible.
Enter Bishop I.V. Hilliard of Houston's New Light Christian Center, who's asking his flock to kick in $52 a piece to help pay for new helicopter blades. Strangely enough, the recommendation for a blade "upgrade" did not come from On High, but from the church's "Aviation Department," which we assume is adjacent to the "Bling Unit."
In a humble letter to his followers, ol' I.V. explains how this is actually a cost-saving measure -- very reassuring, because at first blush it appeared to be an ostentatious, greedy money-grab by a hypocrite (in the Biblical sense) with no real understanding of what J.C. was all about.
Here's some of the letter:
Dear Friend of Jesus,
Do you need better transportation? Does your car need repair or total replacement? Do you have a dream vehicle or luxury automobile you long to purchase? Are you trying to sale a car, truck or SUV? If you answered "yes" to any of these please carefully read the rest of this letter! It could change your life...
....Our Aviation Department has an opportunity that will save the ministry well over $50K if we will move on it right away. My Aviation Manager stated that while repairing our helicopter they discovered that if we upgrade our blades today, it will save thousands in the days to come. As I pondered and looked at the situation, I heard that still small voice of the Holy Spirit say tell your special partners who have special transportation needs and their obedience will release favor for their needs and desires. I got excited and set down to write you!.....
Hilliard also writes: "Send me the transportation need or dream you have...when you sow a $52 transportation favor seed believing in 52 days or 52 weeks you will experience breakthrough favor!"
Hey, Bishop -- you know what else would "save thousands"? Not owning a fucking helicopter!