In the latest of our series of "Only in East Texas" crimes, an AARP-aged man by the name of Monday was busted on the day of the same name for -- get this -- stealing a convenience store's coin-operated air and water dispenser.
Not the quarters in it, mind you. The whole freaking thing.
According to police, surveillance video from way back in October of 2010 shows 66-year-old James Robert Monday driving up to Lufkin's modestly-named Okay Food Store and tying a chain to the dispenser and driving off with the machine dragging behind.
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SHOW ME HOW
You know how we know you're a redneck, Mr. Monday? You allegedly committed felony theft of an expensive piece of machinery that might have contained $20 in quarters.
We heartily endorse the thoughts of a commenter on KTRE's site: "This guy rocks. He is the face of East Turkeyville. Well done sir. Well done indeed."
Lufkin Crimestoppers broadcast the bizarre heist on KTRE, and tipsters identified Monday to police. Monday was picked up Monday while he was at the Angelina County Courthouse on unspecified business. He faces a theft charge and must answer to four Class C warrants, and has met his $1,000 bond.
Last year, Monday was busted for possession of a controlled substance, and for DWI and reckless driving at around the same time of his alleged dispenser theft. His record also includes convictions for cruelty to animals and injury to a child.