Japanese Army Has Not -- Repeat Not -- Shot Loyal Americans At Fort Bliss

Here's a press-release headline you don't see every day: "Japanese Troops Conduct Successful Patriot Firings At Fort Bliss."

It seems to leave the impression that there's a lot of news we need to catch up on from the weekend. Like the whole Japanese Army takeover of Fort Bliss and the surrounding mopping-up of those last few resistance cells yelling "Wolverine!!"

A closer examination reveals that members of the Japanese Air Self-Defense Force (Apparent motto: "We will never, ever invade anyone again. Really.") successfully conducted a few practice tests of the Patriot missle.

Take that, Mothra!!

-- Richard Connelly

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