Jesus Christ Anthony Turner: Hauled in by Houston Cops on Aggravated Robbery Charge

Image by Monica Fuentes
According to Houston Police, on June 18, Jesus Christ Anthony Turner pointed a gun at a man and robbed him.

Since the alleged offense took place while the 27-year-old South Park resident was free on bond for a January home burglary, Jesus Christ is currently being held without bail in the Harris County Jail.

Our Lord and Savior's rap sheet doesn't end there. Back in 2004, the Reed Road Redeemer served 15 days in the county after he was hauled in by the Metro cops and later convicted of both resisting arrest and slapping around a female member of his family. Later that same year, Jesus Christ did another stint on Baker Street: two months for another assault, this time of a man.

Jesus's next brush with the law did not come until 2007, when police found the South Park Messiah with a pocketful of yayo on April Fool's Day. That punched his ticket for a six-month bit in state jail. Months after his release, he was caught partaking in God's Green, and that landed JC in the HCDC for another 40 days.

And Jesus Christ's wondrous deeds were not yet complete....

With all that mayhem behind him, you might be asking WWJD next?

If you are Jesus Christ Anthony Turner, the answer is, "More crime, my child."

In 2010 he did 15 days in jail for evading arrest, and then came the alleged home burglary earlier this year.

According to a police report, a woman said she caught Jesus Christ loading up a trailer with her belongings while she was in the process of trying to move out before she was cleaned out by thieves. (It was the third time she was burgled over the course of a few days, she tearfully told police on the scene.)

So yeah, the guy is about as ironically named as possible. But we're wondering if it's a simple case of a mislaid comma and exclamation point. Jesus Christ Anthony Turner makes no sense. Jesus Christ, Anthony Turner! does.

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John Nova Lomax
Contact: John Nova Lomax