The Galveston County Daily News has reported that a local woman has discovered an image of Jesus Christ on a bathroom tile.
The image is not always apparent to everyone else, the paper reports. And it's little wonder why, given the woman's description:
Eight months after being displaced by Hurricane Ike, Tracy Ward found hope in a most peculiar place.
She asks her guests to sit on the toilet facing the wall tile above the bathtub.
"Do you see him?" she asked.
"Him" means Jesus Christ. She points at spots on a centerpiece of tile.
"There, you can see his beard, and a cave behind him. If you close your eyes and reopen them, you can see people walking up behind him."
And if you blink really fast, he flashes the Shocker!!
Incredibly, there is skepticism among religious officials in Galveston.
We, however, find it incredibly easy to envision Christ's conversation with his secretary:
Christ: You know, Tiffani, the people in Galveston got hit hard by Ike. Anything I can do for them?
Tiffani: Get FEMA off its ass?
Christ: Ha-ha, right. You with the kidding, always. No, I mean what can I realistically do?
Tiffani: Well, you can always make your image appear somewhere.
Christ: Again? Are people still buying that? I thought Mom finally killed that off for good with the whole grilled-cheese sandwich thing.
Tiffani: Hey, we cleared $28,000 for that.
Christ: Did that check actually go through?
Tiffani [sighs]: Yessssss. I included it on the monthly report.
Christ: Ummm. Yeah, but wasn't that the weekend of the Cobain-Hendrix concert? I mean, come on -- the only thing I remember about that weekend was trying to get Syd Barrett off the stage.
Tiffani: Well, it went through. You know what they say about someone born every minute....
Christ: Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, though, I want somewhere classy. The last time I did this in Houston it was a damn pizza plate. I got an image to keep up, you know....How about the Balinese Room? I was talking to Frankie S last week, he said it's a nice place to pick up some dames, or birds, or whatever it is he's calling them this week.
Tiffani: Don't you remember? You destroyed it with Ike.
Christ: Aw, geez. Did I? Shoot. How about the Railroad Museum? I've always liked looking down on that scale model of the harbor. Makes me feel Me-like.
Tiffani: You, um, destroyed that, too.
Christ: What got into me that day, for crying out loud?
Tiffani: You were mumbling something about Cecil Cooper and his batting orders, as I recall....Let's see -- I gotta tell ya, it doesn't look like there's much available....How about some bathroom tile?
Christ: Bathroom tile?
Tiffani: Yeah. You have to sit on the toilet to see it. I mean, to see You.
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SHOW ME HOW
Christ: Oh, that's just terrific. What, all the Port-A-Potties are taken?....Ah well, what the hell? Think we can get some media coverage?
Tiffani: Only local, sir.
Christ: Man....Better than a pizza plate. I guess. All right, book me.
And lo, another miracle doth occur.