For the amount of convenience, enjoyment, and entertainment it gives us, I don't know that there's ever been a better pure value than the Internet, and as a subset of that, I would say that no portion of the internet is a greater value than YouTube.
Someday, perhaps they'll find a way to further monetize frivolous, time wasting video watching, but thankfully today is not that day, because I can't take my eyes off of the latest "Jim Ross commentary dubbed over ______" effort.
It's truly something to behold.
Now, just to refresh, Jim Ross is perhaps the most famous announcer in the history of professional wrestling, a WWE Hall of Famer, and a national treasure. About a year or so ago, an internet meme was spawned (kind of like the beginning of the universe, nobody is really sure who started all this) whereby JR's legendary call of Mick Foley getting tossed off the top of the cage in his 1998 Hell in a Cell match with the Undertaker was dubbed over any sporting event that involved a loud crash and somebody being figuratively "broken in half."
The first one that I can recall was DeAndre Jordan's alley oop dunk that damn near killed Brandon Knight....
Then came LeBron James' obliteration of Jason Terry...
It was eventually expanded to football, as somebody went back and applied the JR soundbite to Jadeveon Clowney's near decapitation of Michigan's Vincent Smith....
And it was just a matter of time before someone got their video editing software hands on clips like this wormy little bully getting his spine and skull broken into pieces by this fed up target...
But internet memes cannot survive on one audio clip alone. Eventually, we need more. It's always about more. And sweet fancy Moses, has the Internet outdone itself this time. Your dish of "more Jim Ross" is best served with Jamaican spices...behold, good ol' JR (with some Jerry "The King" Lawler sprinkled in) providing commentary on some NSFMPOW (Not Suitable For Most Places Of Work, in case you're wondering) shenanigans in a Jamaican club....
Ok, a few observations:
1. There are no fewer than a dozen different clips in this one video where someone should have wound up in the hospital. The floors are concrete, and some of those women are three bills easily. String bean males are not meant to be meat in a sandwich between the two.
2. At the 0:11 mark, that one dude has a drill in his hand, which I guess makes this the Jamaican nightclub equivalent of a hardcore match. (Total aside, am I right to be petrified if some Jamaican dude had a live drill on a dance floor that I was on?)
3. Props to whichever handicapped person allowed their walker to be a prop for the maneuver at 0:39. And the dude who is bringing the "lumber from the rear," the one in the gray jeans and the striped sweater, he's like the Mick Foley of this video, involved in multiple tumbles and falls. HE'S HARDCORE! HE'S HARDCORE!
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SHOW ME HOW
4. It will be a while before my brain is able to scrub itself clean of the image of that fat chick's ass crack at the 1:07 mark.
5. By the 1:45 mark, Jamaican Foley has his sweater off and is going shirtless, and he takes back to back sit down splashes that should break his pelvis. Miraculously, not only does he get back up (dude, seriously, is bionic), but he manages to get one of the those baby elephants into the sharpshooter. (This is where I expected Jamaican Earl Hebner to call for the bell because the owner of the club, Jamaican Vince McMahon, was yelling at him to do so.)
6. I would have easily paid 10 bucks to watch this. But don't tell whoever is running the internet. Please.