Joel Osteen Is a Power Top

Keep Houston Press Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Houston and help keep the future of Houston Press free.

Not-gay-in-any-way-whatsoever magazine


has just released its “Power 50” list, which ranks H-town’s own man of God Joel Osteen at number 16.

At first glance, this may sound respectable, but when you see that number one is occupied not by an individual, but a gruesome Hollywood cabal dubbed “Zac Efron, Shia LaBoeuf, and the Disney Kids,” there can be only one explanation: Details is written by Satan.

Need more proof? Number four on the list: “The Bible Beaters….The Jesus freak has gotten crafty.” Uh, what?

Well, here’s what it takes to get on the list: “These men control viewing patterns, buying habits, anxieties, lust—the things one thinks about.” (Clearly, the dudes at Details spend a lot of time thinking about Shia LaBoeuf.)

But while they were kind enough to exclude Joel from the fire and brimstone set, we still think he should’ve been ranked a little higher – at least higher than the Columbine killers. That was so 1999. – Craig Malisow

Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.


Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.