has just released its “Power 50” list, which ranks H-town’s own man of God Joel Osteen at number 16.
We Believe Local Journalism is Critical to the Life of a City
Engaging with our readers is essential to the mission of the Houston Press. Make a financial contribution or sign up for a newsletter, and help us keep telling Houston’s stories with no paywalls.
Support Our Journalism
At first glance, this may sound respectable, but when you see that number one is occupied not by an individual, but a gruesome Hollywood cabal dubbed “Zac Efron, Shia LaBoeuf, and the Disney Kids,” there can be only one explanation: Details is written by Satan.
Need more proof? Number four on the list: “The Bible Beaters….The Jesus freak has gotten crafty.” Uh, what?
Well, here’s what it takes to get on the list: “These men control viewing patterns, buying habits, anxieties, lust—the things one thinks about.” (Clearly, the dudes at Details spend a lot of time thinking about Shia LaBoeuf.)
But while they were kind enough to exclude Joel from the fire and brimstone set, we still think he should’ve been ranked a little higher – at least higher than the Columbine killers. That was so 1999. – Craig Malisow