TMZ has reported that Lakewood Church's Joel and Victoria Osteen will be the stars of a new reality show by the producer of Survivor.
"The premise of the show is that ordinary people will give up several days or longer to go on a mission with Joel Osteen, one of the most popular pastors in the world," TMZ says. "All of the missions will be in the confines of U.S. soil to 'start fixing things.'"
Sounds fun? Or sounds like some weird mix of Extreme Makeover, Supernanny and The Biggest Loser?
We think the Osteens might do better using the templates of some other reality shows. Like:
6. Real Housewives of Lakewood: The claws are out as five stiff-haired, expensively dressed women spend no time thinking about Christian theology in any but the most vague way, albeit one that emphasizes financial success.
5. Fear Factor: Various feats of strength, endurance or daring are offered. The riveting 57 seconds it takes for all but one contestant to rip off headphones and end the audiobook of Your Best Life Now makes for unforgettable TV.
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4. Celebrity Big Brother: The Osteen family, when the cameras are ostensibly off and the smiles turn into snarls.
3. Dog the Bounty Hunter: Joel and Victoria go after Lakewood members who aren't donating as much to the church as they should.
2. VH1's Behind the Music: Nah, not gonna happen.
1. Queer Eye for the Straight Guy: Joel spends the entirety of each episode gritting his teeth and loving the sinners but hating the sin.