In his brief NFL career as the starting quarterback for the Denver Broncos, Tim Tebow has pulled off several feats that border on the miraculous -- a 7-1 run in his first eight games as their starter this season, numerous late-game comebacks, and a win over the PIttsburgh Steelers in the playoffs last week all come to mind.
But perhaps the greatest miracle that football's son of God has performed through his play on the field is the brief (and by brief, I mean it may actually be over as I type this) restoration of John Parr as a relevant topic.
You remember John Parr, don't you?....don't you?
John Parr, for those under the age of 30, is an English musician who, back in the mid-'80s, had two Billboard chart hits that I can remember. One was the very obscure "Naughty, Naughty," which peaked at number 23 on the American charts.
Treat yourself to the video for that song below, a delightful melange of mullets, headbands, leather jackets with no shirts, and nonsensical '80s music video story lines. (For the record, the story line in this one appears to have Parr as a mechanic quitting his job and somehow winding up in a hotel-room orgy with four skanks. I lost interest after that.)
His other hit was actually a legit number one, Grammy-nominated ditty called "Man in Motion," which doubled as the theme song for the quintessential '80s "brat pack" flick St. Elmo's Fire.
Again, from the video archives, here is the "Man in Motion" video:
Another delicious bowl of '80s soup, huh? I think my second favorite part of this video is when Parr breaks through the fictitious fourth wall inside the video world and actually serves up a quasi-serenade of the chorus to each of the characters. Rightfully, most of the characters have a somewhat polite "Um, dude...who the fuck ARE you?" look on their faces.
My favorite part of the video is every time they show Demi Moore. They're all tied for first.
So what does all of this have to do with Tebow? Well, apparently, like
ESPN many zealots people, Parr has been inspired by Tebow's feats of football strength. So starved for attention inspired is Parr that he took the lyrics to his marquee hit and Tebow-ized them! Here is the video with the lyrics transcribed at the bottom of this post:
So John Parr has Tim Tebow's fire burning in him. (That sound you heard was "Tim Tebow's Fire" zooming past "Relax" by Frankie Goes To Hollywood on the list of most thinly veiled homoerotic lyrics.) Admittedly, I'm mildly impressed at Parr's ability to awkwardly shoehorn Bronco and Tebow lyrics into a somewhat reasonable rhyme scheme. Now, if he really wants to impress me, he can have customized versions of "Man in Motion" for other players. Hell, I'd buy the Michael Vick version of this song off of iTunes for ten bucks easily. (And if you just cringed thinking about what "Michael Vick's fire burning in me" would feel like, then you get the joke. #herpes)
So a hearty welcome back to John Parr! If nothing else, he's raised awareness of Tim Tebow's fire burning in each of us, although I'm pretty sure the fire burning in me right now is a Chipotle burrito fire.
TIM TEBOW'S FIRE By John Parr Growin' up Gotta keep your eye on the ball Make it fly, Give it everything, give your all But maybe sometimes if you feel the pain You'll find you're all alone Everything has changed
Play the game You know you can't quit until it's won Soldier on Only you can do what must be done You know I'm out there Down on one knee a prisoner And I'm tryin' to break free
CHORUS: I can see a new horizon Underneath the blazin' sky I'll be where the eagle's Flyin' higher and higher Gonna be a man in motion All I needs my Broncos team Take me where my future's lyin' Tim Tebow's Fire
Oooh... Burnin' up Don't know just how far that I can go (Just how far I go) Soon be home Only just 4 downs to go I can make it I know I can You broke the boy in me But you won't break the man
I can see a new horizon blazin' on the Mile High I'll be where the eagle's Flyin' higher and higher Gonna be your man in motion All I needs my Broncos team Take me where my future's lyin' Tim Tebow's Fire I can climb the highest mountain These Broncos can't be beat I can feel St Elmo's Fire burnin' in me Burnin' in me Just once in his life A man has his time And my time is now And I'm comin' alive I can hear the music playin' I can see the banners fly Feel like a man again I'll hold my head high Gonna be a man in motion These Broncos can't be beat Take me where my future's lyin' Tim Tebow's fire
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I can climb the highest mountain Cross the wildest sea I can feel St. Elmo's Fire burnin' in me Burnin' Burnin' in me I can feel it burnin' Oooh, burnin' inside of me
Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 The Game from 6 a.m. to 11 a.m. weekdays, and watch the simulcast on Comcast 129 from 6 a.m. to 7:30 a.m. Also, follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.