Dear Santa Claus,
Hi, my name is John, and this is my Christmas wish list. I know you know what I’ve been thinking. And I know you know when I’ve been awake. And I know you know if I’ve been bad or good, so let’s just say I hope you’re listening to your brother Fred and giving out gifts to everyone.
So, let me get to it.
First, I’d like Ashley Judd. She’s really pretty. She’s supposed to be kind of smart. But mainly, she’s really pretty. And if she’s not available, perhaps you can get me one of the Deschanel sisters. Either one, it doesn’t matter.
Then, I’d like for the Houston Texans to draft another defensive lineman in the first round. I just know that one year, if given the chance, they’re finally going to draft a good one. And I’m really afraid of what they’ll do if they draft another type of player in the first round. I’m really afraid they’ll mess up really bad.
And as much it’d hurt me with this little blog thing, I’d really like if you’d make the Astros a good team. It won’t happen, I know, but I’d like it.
I’d also like if you’d keep Jose de Jesus Ortiz around at the Chron. Yeah, I complain about him. And I call him a hack. But if something should happen to him, I’m going to lose a lot of writing material.
And if you could, would you blow up Minute Maid Park and replace it with a real baseball stadium? Something like Camden Yards, AT&T Park or Coors Field? I hope I’m not asking for too much, but I’d really like a baseball stadium, and not an amusement park, for the Astros to play in. Even the Texas Rangers have a nicer ballpark than the Astros. And that team really stinks.
While we’re on the Astros, do you think you can get me a press pass for next season? I think I’ve shown with my beat work on the Aeros that I can write fair and accurate game stories while getting the scoop in the locker room. And I think the people of Houston deserve someone who will do that job with the Astros.
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Well, that’s my list, Santa. Hope you can help.
P.S.: Oh, yeah. Do you think maybe we can have some of that peace-on-earth, goodwill-to-man stuff too? Thanks.