Hey, guess what, I had a winning record last week. I went 8-6. That brings my record for the season to 55-75.
Luckily, the Texans aren’t playing this week. They’re on the NFL open week – it’s not a bye week, people, I don’t care what the NFL calls it. It’s open. Not bye. But while the team may not be playing in the states this weekend, it does appear that the Texans have decided to get involved in Georgian politics – the country, not the state. Maybe Mario Williams can sack the opposition there.
So on with the picks...
1. The Cards are favored by 1 point over the Lions. Frankly, I don’t get this. The Lions have a winning record, and God’s on their side. Sure, Kurt Warner’s playing for the Cards, and God used to be on his side, but He seems to have settled on Jon Kitna as His new messenger. Take the Lions.
2. The Ravens are favored by 4 points over the Bengals. Chris Henry is in trouble again, and this was just after the league reinstated him. The Ravens are boring and suck. I hate this game. Take the Bengals to get within the point spread.
3. The Bills are favored by 3 points over the Dolphins. Somehow, the Bills are 4-4 on the season. Somehow, the Dolphins have yet to win. And that’s not changing this weekend. Take the Bills.
4. The Panthers are favored by 4 points over the Falcons. Both teams have been talking to the corpse of Johnny Unitas about taking over as QB. The corpse is holding out for more money and better offensive lines. I hate having to pick a team here. Take the Panthers.
5. The Bears are favored by 3.5 points over the Raiders. For some reason, I’m picking the Raiders. Just because the Bears QBs suck. There’s no other reason for my pick. Take the Raiders to get within the point spread.
6. The Cowboys are favored by 1.5 points over the Giants. I hate taking the Cowboys, so this week I’m taking the Giants. Especially since the game’s at New York. The Giants win this game.
7. The Vikings are 6 point underdogs to the Packers. The Viking QBs suck. But the Vikings have the Purple Jesus, Adrian Peterson. Take the Vikings to get within the spread.
8. The Chargers are 3.5 point underdogs to the Colts. The Colts lost this year’s Game of the Century last week. The Chargers discovered who Adrian Peterson is. The Colts will recover. The Chargers won’t. Take the Colts.
9. The Chiefs are favored by 3 points over the Broncos. The Chiefs probably won’t have their offense for this game since Larry Johnson is injured. But I like to piss off my Broncos-loving brother. Pick the Chiefs.
10. The Rams are 11.5 point underdogs to the Saints. The Saints are back in the playoff hunt. The Rams are trying to get back in the hunt for a victory. I think the Saints will win. But Steven Jackson and Marc Bulger are back with the Rams. The Rams will get within the point spread.
11. The Steelers are favored by 9.5 points over the Browns. I don’t know if the Browns are flukes, or not. But I just don’t see the Steelers winning this game by this many points. Take the Browns to get within a touchdown.
12. The Titans are 4 point favorites over the Jaguars. I don’t know how the Titans are doing it, but they’re winning games. The Jags are a near disaster. Take the Titans.
13. The Redskins are favored by 3 points over the Eagles. Donovan McNabb is blaming the rest of the team. Andy Reid is running a drug emporium. The Redskins are mediocre, but mediocre beats the Eagles.
14. The Seahawks are favored by 10 points over the 49ers. How did the Niners rate being on Monday Night Football twice this season? Is anybody going to watch this game? I’m sure not. Take the 49ers to get within 9 points. – John Royal