In 2014, there are certain benchmarks or tributes that provide indicators that one has "arrived" as a star, or at least as somebody relevant with "star upside potential."
They are as follows:
1. Your team has a bobble head day devoted to you. (If it's followed a couple months later with a second "specialty" bobble head, then you're really on your way. If it's followed with a third bobble head a month later, then you're Craig Biggio.)
2. A married couple decides to have a likeness of you made into their groom's cake. So far, J.J. Watt is the only one who has attained this level of stardom in Houston, to my knowledge.
3. A season on Dancing With The Stars.
4. A report on anything that you've done (from shoving your girlfriend to taking a dump) makes it onto TMZ Sports.
And last but not least (and I know I'm missing a few more)....
5. When you are immortalized in a DJ Steve Porter mix on ESPN!
(SIDE BAR: When I was a kid, the biggest tribute an athlete had was getting their likeness on one of those cheesy posters like Don Mattingly being called "HIT MAN" or Cory Snyder -- CORY SNYDER! -- on Gunsmoke. How did we make it through the pre-internet age?)
Well, this Thursday we find out the fate of one Jonathan F. Manziel. (Depending on how sauced up you are, the "F" can stand for "Football" or for, um, something else.) Will he be a Houston Texan? (Signs point to "NO" right now, sadly.)
My prediction (subject to change with new information)? He doesn't make it past Jacksonville at number three. Unlike the Texans, the Jaguars actually need someone to sell tickets, and that ain't happening with Jadeveon Clowney or Khalil Mack. And yes, I know that the Jags have said NO to the "sure ticket sales" approach before with Tebow, but the difference with Manziel is...how can I put this succinctly....HE CAN PLAY.
So back to DJ Steve Porter. We are all familiar with the mixes that he does for ESPN, where he takes average every day soundbites, puts a beat under them, and VOILA, you have a catchy little tune that crawls into your brain and wreaks havoc for the next twelve hours. Good times.
So here you go, Johnny Manziel in your brain for the next twelve hours...
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And just so I don't totally disrespect Tebow in this post, a reminder that he, too, once had DJ Steve Porter-level relevance....