Jose Cabrera-Pastor: Swims Across Ship Channel With 98 Pounds of Pot Strapped to His Back

Maybe Jose Guadalupe Cabrera-Pastor of Matamoros, Mexico misinterpreted the meaning of "wet marijuana," which stoners sometimes call straight off the plant/not dried pot.

At approximately 10 p.m. Saturday night, the 47-year-old man was detained by the United States Border Patrol for possessing 98.9 pounds of weed after the man tried to smuggle the drugs via the Brownsville Ship Channel.

Agents pulled a very much alive but probably winded Cabrera-Pastor out of the Brownsville Ship Channel (that's right) when the guy grabbed three bundles of marijuana that were protected by masking tape and plastic wrap (uh, huh, keep reading), and swam (yup) to the north banks of the channel (oh my Jesus) with 98.9 pounds of the grass strapped to his back (sweet?).

U.S. Border Patrol officials were waiting and eventually turned the case over to the San Benito Police Department's Immigration and Customs Enforcement Task Force because they wanted San Benito Police to crack the fuck up, just like they did because the weight of the marijuana did not meet the threshold for federal prosecution.

Michael Phelps 2.0 was arraigned by a Cameron County judge and bond was set at $30,000 for the drug possession charge. Cabrera-Pastor was eventually "taken to the Cameron County Jail with an ICE detainer," says Detective Rogelio Banda Junior of San Benito PD.

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