For those still on the fence for the presidential election, and for those silently pondering the question, “Who would a leper-stealing, lawsuit-losing, non-debt-paying fake minister vote for?” – your prayers have been answered.
Allowing the rest of the voting public to exhale, Anand “K.A. Paul” Kilari has officially endorsed Sen. Barack Obama.
“The current administration, I believe, has delayed the second coming of Jesus,” Kilari stated in a press release issued Wednesday. “…as I travel around the globe, it is apparent that America's image is at historic lows. Senator Obama can change this trend and help restore our country to where we are once again respected around the world.”
The press release also describes Kilari as “the man the New Republic magazine called the world’s most popular Christian evangelist” – which hurt our feelings, because the website for one of Kilari’s ministries, Global Peace Initiative, describes the Houston Press as a “free gas station newspaper.” (In all fairness, the GPI might have got one important thing right: It's at least theoretically possible that one reporter from the Press was hired by U.S. and Indian operatives to “write bad stories” about Kilari. But we'll never tell!)
But being endorsed by Kilari is sort of like a dude from NAMBLA giving you the thumbs up: it’s not really the kind of attention you want.
And unfortunately, chewing the fat with Kilari about Obama proves difficult, since sources indicate that Kilari fled to India shortly after his April 2007 arrest in Beverly Hills on suspicion of “lewd and lascivious acts with a minor,” which in technical California legal parlance means “getting freaky, or trying to get freaky, with a 14- or 15-year-old child, where the alleged perp is at least ten years older.”
However, it looks like the L.A. County District Attorney’s Office never pressed charges. When we asked the woman who answered the phone at Kilari’s Huffman office, she said she never heard of the Beverly Hills arrest and said that her job was simply to answer phone. (She does a very good job, by the way).
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Kilari doesn’t just talk about W and his anti-Christ-cronies. Last July, he filed suit in a D.C. federal court against W and the heads of just about every government department you can think of, accusing them of tapping his ministry’s phones and hacking its computers.
In language that betrays a profound misunderstanding of point-of-view consistency, Kilari accuses all the W’s men of dispatching goon squads to jack up his global peace-keeping mission, to wit: “In August 2006, Dr. Paul and [a colleague] were hemmed in on a freeway near Austin, Texas. With a sneering wave, the driver of the black SUV with dark windows suddenly sped off as the Texas Highway Patrol pulled up behind us and stopped us, frisked them, and held them long enough to miss their flight.”
A copy of the complaint, which should be read by every law student in America, as well as anyone with even a passing interest in bizarre thought patterns, can be found on here.
-- Craig Malisow