Kids, Don't Drink and Then Drive Your Riding Mower (w/ VIDEO)

As we head into the first weekend post-Memorial Day, summer is now in full swing, which means two things -- yard work and beer drinking. Unto themselves, both are harmless, invigorating, highly necessary activities.

When combined, the results can be disastrous. Or hilarious. Or both.

Kids, don't be like Charles Gray, 69-year-old Wisconsinite, in this video:

Yes, this guy was pulled over for driving his riding mower in the street under the influence of what Gray says was "one beer" (more on this in a second). The best way to lay out the details and moral of the story is to break this baby down Zapruder-style:

0:17 -- Gray gives the officer the "go ahead and pass me" wave, which would be proper etiquette if a) it weren't a cop trailing him and requesting him to pull over and b) he hadn't drank a 12-pack within the last couple hours.

0:30 -- Apparently unable to find the brake, Gray leaves the process of stopping the riding mower to fate, gravity and the curb.

0:36 -- The officer asks Gray how much he's had to drink, and Gray goes with the standard answer for the person who is shitfaced -- "Just one [fill in name of whatever he just had ten of HERE]." In this case, it's "Just one BEER." (Burning question: Did Gray leave his house sober and then go to the bars, or was he drunk when he left his house on the mower? Because if he left his house sober, it means that is his chosen mode of transportation during lucid moments, and that's all sorts of awesome.)

0:43 -- We get the Charles Gray mugshot, which can best be described as "Morgan Freeman meets meth."

0:49 -- Gray has the balls to ask "WHY?" as in "Why are you pulling me over?" A better question would be "HOW SOON?" as in "How soon until you tase me for acting the fool?"

1:00 -- We find out that Gray has three previous DWI convictions, which begs the question -- is he going to be allowed to mow his lawn?

1:05 -- Breathalyzer time and Gray blows a .219, but he insists that he has only had...

1:15 -- ....ONE BEER!

He's leaving out the minor detail -- the one beer he had was 480 ounces.

(h/t The Big Lead)

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Sean Pendergast is a contributing freelance writer who covers Houston area sports daily in the News section, with periodic columns and features, as well. He also hosts afternoon drive on SportsRadio 610, as well as the post game show for the Houston Texans.
Contact: Sean Pendergast