According to a police report summarized in the Lufkin Daily News, 33-year-old Roosevelt Lee Williams III called police out to discuss a Mother's Day altercation with 26-year-old mama-to-be Dominique Bryan that had just ended.

He told police that the argument had come about because Bryan had been smoking cigarettes while pregnant.

For her part, Bryan told police that Williams had smacked her upside the head and snatched the smokes out of her hand.

Unfortunately for Bryan, police could not verify her claims, so Williams did not go to jail. At least not for domestic assault. He did go to jail for having Class C traffic warrants. Winning!

But any vengeful glee Bryan might have felt in seeing her foe carted off to the pokey was short-lived.

Police soon discovered that she too had traffic warrants -- in fact, with four, she had twice as many as Williams -- and would also be heading downtown. Bi-winning!

We're damned if we can puzzle out a moral to this little fable.

Switch to Copenhagen when you get pregnant? No, that's not quite it.

Never hit a woman, even if she lights up while expecting? Not quite the one either.

Don't report a domestic assault to the police unless you are bruised or bleeding? No, that's terrible, frankly.

Here it is: If you have to smack a woman for smoking while pregnant, make sure you pay your traffic tickets first. And don't leave a mark.

Actually, we don't endorse that last one either.