If this van's a skidding, we're not kidding.

Man, It's Cold

Houstonians really don't know how to deal with icy weather. It's almost comical, you know, save for the highway deaths and all that.

So be safe out there, folks, and if you're so inclined, head over to the Chron's site and take the paper's online quiz to test your icy driving IQ.

We scored a perfect hundred on the quiz. Shazam! And we're here to help you out with some of the tougher questions.

After the jump, the requisite snark.

Take this one, for example:

"Low beams" is the answer. You might've been tempted to say "leave your headlights off," but that would be the wrong answer. And no, your eyes will not eventually adjust. You are not a raccoon. Unless, of course, you are a raccoon, at which point we have to say: Congratulations on learning to read. You're a testament to your species. Now get out of our yard.

Next question:

The second option is the right answer, but we do have to admire the Ford Tough mentality of "drive like mad." This is America, dammit, and I can kill whoever the hell I want!

Next question:

This is a trick question. You might be tempted to pick option three, but think about it for a minute: If bridges really do freeze before surface-level roadways do, that also makes them one helluva place to practice donuts. Just think of the 360s you'll be rocking. (Might we suggest you find a deserted bridge on the outskirts of town, far away from everyone else? Darwin would've wanted it that way.)

So here's hoping everyone sees this screen at the end:

And if you don't, please stay the hell away from us. -- Keith Plocek

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