Mario Williams's Wednesday Therapy Session With Mark Berman Of FOX 26

"I didn't want to enter free agency in the first place, but it was a one-way door given to me by the GM to leave Houston. I want the fans there to know entering free agency was not my decision." -- Mario Williams in a Wednesday interview with Mark Berman of Fox 26

You know the old saying "It's not you, it's me." Well, apparently, Mario Williams wants Houston to know that when it comes to his decision to take his talents to Buffalo during the offseason, "It's not you, it's not me, it's RICK SMITH!"

In an interview on Wednesday with Fox 26's super sleuth Mark Berman, Mario Williams did the most incredible impersonation of a temperamental junior high girl that I've ever seen, managing somehow to bake calmness, vindictiveness, anger and dismissiveness into a brief interview.

It actually reads more like a therapy session than an interview, with Williams using Berman as his personal Dr. Melfi. The only thing missing was a leather couch and a prescription for Prozac at the end.

Of course, by now you know the backdrop of the interview. The much maligned defensive end returns this Sunday to oppose the team that made him the number one overall pick in the draft back in 2006. Of course, the only way to top selecting a player with the number one pick in the draft is to make him the highest-paid player in the game, so the Bills went and one-upped the Texans back in March by forking over $50 million guaranteed to bring Mario to Buffalo. It is the highest amount guaranteed to any defensive player to ever walk the earth.

And that's where we begin our outtakes from Berman's interview, with Mario's leaving Houston earlier this year:

"I didn't want to enter free agency in the first place, but it was a one-way door given to me by the GM to leave Houston. I want the fans there to know entering free agency was not my decision."

I like how Mario acts like the Texans' allowing him to hit the free agent market is somehow the equivalent to firing him. We should all be so lucky to walk through a "one-way door" that has a $50 million guarantee waiting outside of it. Behind the scenes, the Texans had a number in mind that they would have paid Mario. It was a number significantly less than what Buffalo wound up paying, so are we to assume then that Mario wouldn't have walked through that "one-way door" himself if the Texans' offer was insufficient? Was he ready to give the Texans a hometown discount? And what in the blue hell is a "one-way door" anyway?

"The way things ended, I definitely feel like it was kind of a rough and all-of-the-sudden goodbye. There's some things that I'm definitely uneasy about, the final decision making that happened there. It was just the way it was handled."

Um, Mario, you did know that free agency was beginning on March 13, right? What was so "all-of-the-sudden" about that? Getting cut from the practice squad if you're an undrafted rookie who's getting paid a fraction of the league minimum -- that's "all-of-the-sudden." Finding out that your current employer is allowing you to find out your true value (which turned out to be nearly nine figures, by the way) on the open market on a designated date that you've known about for eight months -- that's fortunate.

"I still live there (offseason)."

Oh, I better watch what I say.

"[Antonio Smith has] been trying [to get under my skin], but honestly if I can't get riled up by myself I'm not in the right business, especially in this position coming back and playing against the team that I started off with."

Well, that's a sign of maturity, I guess. Mario doesn't need derision from others to stoke his embers! $50 million guaranteed has made him a self-starter! Wait, what?...oh, hang on, there's more...

"Antonio is always picking and prodding. He's definitely trying to add fuel to the fire, but nothing is going to add more fuel to the fire than myself..."

Yeah, that's what I'm saying, Mario! You don't need those fools shit talking you to get you fired up! Let the haters hate, brother, you got more imp--....wait, what?....oh, hang on, there's more....

"...and the help of, I'll guess I'll say, a select few people who run their mouth and talk crap."

Wait, wait, Mario. Slow down...you just said you don't care what the haters say. Listen to me, Mario...you don't need them to inspire you. Those people "who run their mouth and talk crap," you don't need their help, Mario. You're strong in mind, you're....wait, what?....oh man, Mario is still talking....

"The one thing that I enjoy and that I look forward to is people adding fuel to the fire..."

NO, NO, NO, Mario!! You're letting them do it! You're letting them get under your skin! STOP TALKING! The haters AREN'T helping you, Mario!! You just need YOU, buddy!!...wait, what?...there's more?....oh, dear God....

"So I welcome all the newcomers as far as jumping on the bandwagon."

Yeah, I'm pretty sure you don't know what "bandwagon" means, Mario. This is bad....wait....what?....Mario is talking about fans booing him?....no, please, Mario....

"I really don't care. I really don't pay too much attention to that, besides the fact I definitely appreciate the support and I also appreciate the hate."

You appreciate the hate? Sure you do, Mario.

Sure you do.

Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 The Game from 6 a.m. to 11 a.m. weekdays, and watch the simulcast on Comcast 129 from 6 a.m. to 8 a.m. Also, follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.

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