Michael Brown: Wife's Divorce Attorney Claims the Hand Doctor Tried to Hire a Hit Man to Kill Her

Former hand surgeon Michael Brown tried to hire a hit man to kill his wife, his wife's lawyer told a Harris County Family Court judge Thursday.

In a heated meeting in front of Judge Jim York, David Brown (no relation) said he had received a tip from the Harris County District Attorney's office that Michael Brown sought to kill Rachel Brown. David Brown voiced his allegation over the objections of Michael Brown's attorney, Katherine Scardino, who said she didn't want any "alleged evidence" entered at that time. The exchange took place after a long day of failed negotiations regarding what was supposed to be a hearing on the agreed orders in the Browns' divorce case.

The former surgeon was indicted in January for felony assault of his wife; the indictment stemmed from Brown's August 2010 arrest. He previously served ten years' deferred adjudication for the beating of his previous wife, Darlina, who was seven months pregnant when Brown beat her with a broken bedpost and dragged her up the stairs by her hair. Rachel has accused Michael Brown of assaulting her in the past, but hadn't pressed charges until 2010.

The titular head of a string of hand surgery centers and star of the creepiest television commercial in Houston history lost his Texas medical license in 2006 after failing several drug tests. (The ex-doc, who seems to favor cocaine, once hired an expert to argue before a judge that trace amounts of cocaine residue are often present on cash, and that, just maybe, Michael Brown handled some of this coke-tastic cash and ran his hands through his thick, lustrous hair, thus giving a false positive. Unbelievably, this testimony was not successful.)

Scardino, pinch-hitting for a temporarily indisposed Dick DeGuerin, was not immediately available for comment, but David Brown told Hair Balls after the meeting that "Dr. Brown's a piece of shit....He beats women." Speaking of the alleged contract to kill Rachel Brown, he said, "We're terrified over it." (Spokespeople for the DA's office were not immediately available to confirm or deny David Brown's claim either.)

David Brown said that, in 30 years of practicing law, this is the first time he ever received a tip from the DA's office that one of his clients was in danger of being murdered by an opposing party. After hearing from the DA's office, Brown said, Rachel Brown got rid of the company providing 24-hour security of the couple's Memorial home and hired a new company recommended by David Brown, Global Security Agency. (Side note: GSA is run by a dude named Rock Rutherford. We're pretty sure we've never heard of a cooler name outside of the movies. The only way it could be cooler is if his full name is Rock Fucking Rutherford.)

"It's ill-advised to have that person [who's trying to have you killed] in charge of your security," David Brown said.

Judge York, who came across as a patient parent of bickering adolescents, ordered that Scardino and David Brown either reach a settlement by 1:30 pm Friday, or be ready to call witnesses. David Brown said he planned to call Michael Brown as his first witness. (Neither Michael nor Rachel Brown were spotted in the courthouse.)

We'll be there Friday to see what happens.

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