Miss Pop Rocks: Boy George Is a Dirty Ol’ Man

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Raise your hand if you are totally and completely icked out by Boy George right about now.

For you young ones, let me take a minute to explain something. Back in the day, Boy George was the lead singer of a little British pop group called The Culture Club. When Miss Pop Rocks was a young girl growing up in the 80s, she was simultaneously frightened by Boy George and oddly dependent on him for happiness and joy. (The same could be said about Reagan, I suppose.)

The Culture Club starring Boy George performed such catchy tunes as “Karma Chameleon” (which Miss Pop Rocks thought was “Come on, Chameleon”) and “Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?” Without Boy George, Miss Pop Rocks (and plenty of other children of the `burbs) would have never become aware that some boys like to dress like girls, and that’s okay. And they also would have never learned that sometimes, there is such a thing as too much eyeliner.

But those were better days. Sadly, our friend Boy George has recently been charged with false imprisonment after he supposedly chained a male escort to the wall of his London flat. When the cops arrived at the scene of the alleged crime, they also found a stash of coke (not too surprising, given George’s previous drug troubles).

This isn’t Boy George’s first bout with bad press. But somehow, this time it really hurts. It’s like we’re saying goodbye to our 80s childhood as we wave farewell to Boy George, who is no longer a gender-bending genius, but just a dirty ol’ man.

Can you imagine what it must have been like to have been that male escort? How did he make the transition from the greeting at the door (“Oh wow, you’re Boy George, aren’t you?”) to the moment when he realized George wanted to chain him to the wall? And how did he get out of the chains? And were the chains something George used all the time and this time he just forgot the key or something? God, there are so many questions.

But for me, I guess, I think the biggest question is: Do you think the male escort had the guts to ask, “Do you really want to hurt me?” as Boy George tied him up? Oh come on, like I wasn’t going to go there? Seriously, wouldn’t it have been hilarious if he had asked that? Don’t you think Boy George would have cracked up over that one? I mean, nothing like keeping your sense of humor as a washed-up 80s pop icon ties you to the wall.

I need a drink. – Jennifer Mathieu

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