Miss Pop Rocks: Girls Who Like Girls But Who (Really) Like Boys

So Miss Pop Rocks found herself at a certain club this past weekend, shaking her groove thang to a certain excellent band. I was having a grand old time living it up when I discovered a young lady trying to dance with me. Remembering the days of my youth when my gal pals and I choreographed kickin’ routines to Def Leppard’s “Pour Some Sugar On Me,” at our slumber parties, I complied. It was fun until I noticed this girl start seriously grinding me as she flashed coquettish smiles at the boys around her. This went on for several songs, despite my numerous attempts to turn her stripper dancing into girls just wanna have fun dancing.

Later on, in the car on the way home, I asked Mr. Pop Rocks, “Um, was that girl doing that thing where she tries to act all hot on another girl only to get the attention of boys?”

“Yes,” he answered, not skipping a beat.

Gross.

I love lesbians and bisexuals who dance and lesbians and bisexuals who don’t dance. I love straight girls who love to dance with other girls be they straight, lesbian, or bisexual. I personally love to dance with girls whenever the opportunity presents itself because girls are typically way more fun to dance with than Mr. Pop Rocks who, God love him, is a master of the White Man’s Overbite.

But do you know what I absolutely do not love? That totally gross icky way girls will flirt and be all sexy with other girls strictly to get the attention of the boys around them.

What is up with this? It’s all over the place. This stupid, lame “Girls Gone Wild” sickness is sweeping the nation, its latest incarnation being “One Shot at Love with Tila Tequila” on MTV, starring Houston’s own Tila Tequila as she makes out with girls and boys in a hot tub (yaaaaaawn). Not only is all of this demeaning to real lesbians and bisexuals, it’s totally passe and predictable and works to further objectify us chicas in the eyes of boys.

Seriously, ladies. It’s way cool with me if you’re into bicuriousness and all (Miss Pop Rocks went to college, so she knows), but could you please stop this infantile behavior? Just please stop it. I mean, really. Stop it.

P.S. And for girls who just want to dance with other girls and have fun about it and not be doing it only for the benefit of leering boys, check out these excellent NYC ladies who have started all-girl dance parties. Someone needs to bring this to Houston pronto. – Jennifer Mathieu