Miss Pop Rocks would like to take a minute and wish you and yours a delightful Thanksgiving. In this time of impending recession, spiraling-out-of-control gas prices, and The War That Never Ends, I know it may be hard to know what to give thanks for.
That’s why I’m so grateful for Pop Culture. Pop Culture is, at its very core, fleeting, fluffy, and stupid. I realize this. But yet it creates for us a collective memory and a sense of belonging, and it contributes to the Zeitgeist of our people. (No, I don’t really know what Zeitgeist means, but whatever, it sounds smart.)
Without Pop Culture, there would be no Watercooler Conversations with which to bond with our coworkers. No gossip magazines with which to while away a lazy Saturday afternoon. No E! Entertainment Television to soothe the remnants of a Sunday morning hangover. Without Pop Culture, we are not America. And if we are not America, we have to be Canada.
That all being said, Miss Pop Rocks would like to take a minute and show her gratitude for some of the best Pop Culture Moments of 2007, so far.
Miss South Carolina Teen Caitlin Upton Loses Her Shit While Answering a Questions about Maps: Oh my God in Heaven, this was a gift from the gods. What made it even more wonderful was the way that Caitlin totally had fun with it herself, bravely going on Today to explain herself and mocking her own performance on the MTV Video Awards. Such as? Such as?
The Absolutely Bizarre Judge Larry Seidlin in the “Who Gets Anna Nicole’s Body?” Case: As a legitimate fan of Anna Nicole Smith, I say straight up that I was really sad when this big, dumb, gorgeous, vulnerable blond died in a Florida hotel room. But I’m the first to realize that without her death, the world would never have had the opportunity to know the freakshow that was/is Judge Larry Seidlin. Seidlin cried, cracked jokes, and dragged out what should have been a brief hearing into a circus lasting several days. And for this, I thank him.
David Hasselhoff Gets Drunk and Eats a Burger: Who hasn’t gotten wasted and eaten fast food on their living room floor? Hoff got hassled over this one, unfairly so in my opinion. Just be grateful your teenage daughter wasn’t around to tape you the last time you had too many vodka tonics.
Alec Baldwin Calls His Daughter a Rude, Thoughtless Little Pig on Her Voice Mail: Why do I include this frightening and disturbing phone message in Pop Culture Moments to be Thankful For? Because listening to it makes me even more thankful for my own father.
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Everything Britney Did This Year: I know, I know. I swore I wouldn’t ever write about Brit Brit again, and I won’t. But I can’t deny I’m thankful for all the good material she gave us this year. Thanks, Britney.
Marie Osmond Faints on Live Television: Everyone thinks I’m an asshole for admitting to watching Marie Osmond faint 200 times on YouTube. You know what? It’s even funnier the 201st time.
Nicole Richie Gets Knocked Up: Her pregnancy has seemed to have transformed this drunk, drugged-up tartlet into a little goody two shoes with her Audrey Hepburn courthouse outfit and her demure Little Miss Perfect attitude during an interview with Diane Sawyer. I kinda miss the old Nicole, but I suppose we should be thankful that’s finally eating…this time, for two!
Okay, that’s it for now. But I promise another round later this week. Let me know what I’ve missed…and what you’re thankful for! – Jennifer Mathieu