If you’ve been in a coma and didn’t know, disgraced Senator Larry Craig has resigned after a big old mess that he got himself into in a public airport bathroom in Minneapolis. The mess? He allegedly tried to pick up a male undercover cop for some guy-on-guy action.
The first thing that popped into my mind when this story broke was not the little thrill that often comes with seeing hypocrites publicly outed. I didn’t even particularly care if Craig resigned or not. I mean, it’s just Idaho we’re talking about here.
No, my first thought was, “Wow, how low is the crime rate in Minneapolis that they can afford to place a cop in a restroom and have him wait around until some guy tries to pick him up?”
When I posed the question to a gay, male friend, he quickly responded, “Yeah, and how can I get that job?”
Seriously. How does that work? What’s that station roll call like?
“Daniels, you’re working 45th and Main. Keep an eye out for robbers and murderers.
“Jackson, we need you to patrol the downtown district and keep drunk driving and purse snatching under control.
“Roberts, how does trolling for dudes while sitting in an airport bathroom with your pants around your ankles for about five hours grab ya?”
I mean, really.
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And what did the cop do while he was waiting for some guy to come in and start tapping his foot and running his fingers under the stall divider? Did he bring a book? A newspaper? How often did he get up to stretch his legs? Did the cleaning crew come in and ask him to leave for a while? If so, during that time did he visit the food court or just walk around?
I can’t imagine it smells very good in the Minneapolis Airport’s men’s restroom. Did he get hazard duty pay for that? Did he flush periodically to create a sense that he was just a man doing his business who might, in fact, be open to some anonymous sex? Did he actually, at any one time, actually use the bathroom for its intended purpose?
How many shifts had he worked in the bathroom where no one propositioned him? During those shifts, did he maybe have his feelings hurt a little? Did he wonder if his shoes weren’t cute enough? And that’s another thing. Does the police do research on what shoes a man should wear to increase his chances of getting hit on in a public restroom?
Yeah, so these are the things that I think about. All I know for sure is that I never knew men’s restrooms could be such a hotbed of action. Craziest thing that ever happened to me in the ladies’ room is some chick asked if I had an extra tampon on me. – Jennifer Mathieu