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Keep Houston Press Free
4

Miss Pop Rocks: The Head-On People Need to Check Themselves

Is it just me, or are the Head-On (apply directly to the forehead!) people getting a little too big for their britches?

I’m not going to prattle on here about the infamous, incessant repetition of the product name in their television ads, or discuss the low budget quality of said ads that gives them the feeling of being recorded in someone’s unfinished basement circa 1983. I can live with those irritants. No, what bothers me is the sheer number of products created by this one company, each claiming to cure something totally and completely different.

So far we have ActivOn for pain relief, FirstOn for itch relief, and PreferOn for the removal of scars. I mean, come on. Who do they think they’re fooling? Honestly. Who wants to bet those things are actually filled with cherry-flavored Chapstick?

And is it just me, or did these other miracle products suddenly appear on the market only after HeadOn became a pop culture staple spoofed on The Daily Show and SNL? I smell a homeopathic conspiracy here.

If they’re going to play it so fast and loose, maybe they should consider expanding their product line even further.

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For example, what about Groove-On? Groove-On. Apply directly to the ass of a middle-aged white man and watch in amazement as he actually dances in time to the beat of a Mary J. Blige album.

Groove-On, apply directly to the ass.

Groove-On, apply directly to the ass.

Now that sticks in your head. -- Jennifer Mathieu

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