Keep Houston Press Free

Miss Pop Rocks: The Head-On People Need to Check Themselves

Is it just me, or are the Head-On (apply directly to the forehead!) people getting a little too big for their britches?

I’m not going to prattle on here about the infamous, incessant repetition of the product name in their television ads, or discuss the low budget quality of said ads that gives them the feeling of being recorded in someone’s unfinished basement circa 1983. I can live with those irritants. No, what bothers me is the sheer number of products created by this one company, each claiming to cure something totally and completely different.

So far we have ActivOn for pain relief, FirstOn for itch relief, and PreferOn for the removal of scars. I mean, come on. Who do they think they’re fooling? Honestly. Who wants to bet those things are actually filled with cherry-flavored Chapstick?

And is it just me, or did these other miracle products suddenly appear on the market only after HeadOn became a pop culture staple spoofed on The Daily Show and SNL? I smell a homeopathic conspiracy here.

If they’re going to play it so fast and loose, maybe they should consider expanding their product line even further.

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For example, what about Groove-On? Groove-On. Apply directly to the ass of a middle-aged white man and watch in amazement as he actually dances in time to the beat of a Mary J. Blige album.

Groove-On, apply directly to the ass.

Groove-On, apply directly to the ass.

Now that sticks in your head. -- Jennifer Mathieu

Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.

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