Miss Pop Rocks: Things I Think Are Probably Worse Than Jessica Simpson’s Upcoming Movie

Keep Houston Press Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Houston and help keep the future of Houston Press free.

After viewing the trailer to Jessica Simpson’s upcoming “film” entitled

Major Movie Star

, I decided to compile a list of things that I think are probably worse than this soon-to-be-released cinematic event.

It took a long time to think of ten things that are worse, but I did it. Here goes:

1. Chlamydia

2. Having to tell your previous partners you may have given them Chlamydia

3. Having to spend your best years in a full body cast

4. Nuclear warfare

5. Being told you must put a beloved animal to sleep

6. The death of a loved one

7. The humanitarian crisis in Darfur

8. Watching an elderly parent lose his or her faculties

9. Accidentally killing someone either in a hit and run or some other tragedy

10. Passing gas in front of your crush and it’s way obvious it was you and not someone else

So, that’s my list of things that are worse than Jessica Simpson’s new movie. And I think number 10 is actually stretching it a little. – Jennifer Mathieu

Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.


Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.