Miss Pop Rocks Watches the Super Bowl

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Oh God, my stomach is so distended. WHY do I do this to myself every Super Bowl Sunday? I watch one football game each year and it's this one, and the only reason I watch it is to have an excuse to eat snacks and watch commercials.

A few thoughts on this year's game:

First of all, choirs are very in, apparently. Both Faith Hill and Bruce Springsteen had choirs in their shows. Speaking of The Boss, did you check out his crotch slide right into the camera during the halftime gig? We were attacked by Bruce Springsteen's cock and balls, and personally, I loved every second of it. He still looks and sounds great.

I think it's odd that they have sign language interpreters for America the Beautiful and, I suppose, the National Anthem. I caught a glimpse of an interpreter in the corner of my screen during America the Beautiful. If they're not going to show the interpreter on television, what is she there for? The three deaf people sitting within viewing range of her at the game itself? I don't get that. And no offense to the deaf, but if you don't know the lyrics to America the Beautiful or the National Anthem by now, get a lyrics sheet or just Google it or whatever.

I have to say I was incredibly under whelmed by this year's ads. The only one I thought was genuinely cute was the one with Conan O'Brien doing a cheesy ad for beer that was supposed to air only in Sweden - only it came back to haunt him in the U.S. Only I can't remember what beer it was, so I don't think it did its job. Conan's still cute, though.

What was up with Bob Dylan and will.i.am trading off in that Pepsi ad and singing to pictures of Woodstock and people dancing? Oh, are the boomers deeming all the rest of us worthy enough to take on the moniker of The Pepsi Generation? Well bless their little hearts. Screw you, boomers. We don't want your stupid torch.

GoDaddy.com continued to be as gross and Maximesque as possible with their dumb ass ads staring Danica Patrick. The whole stupid, boob-obsessed ad campaign is no funnier or more interesting this year than it was last year. At least get different boobs!

None of the movies advertised look good except for maybe Land of the Lost. Maybe.

Horses in love in the Budweiser ads...weird. I don't like to think of horses in love or horses doing it, you know?

My husband got very frustrated that we didn't have 3-D glasses for the commercials at halftime. Where the Hell was I supposed to have acquired said glasses? The paper was sold out at our nearby Stop n Go, so what the Hell was I supposed to do? He should have just tried drinking more, and I'm sure it would have all worked out for him.

Doritos. Tires. Beer. Boring. Wait a minute, Pepsi Max, diet soda for MEN? Are they fucking serious? What, do men think their balls are going to shrivel up and die if they drink Diet Coke or Diet Pepsi? Is Coke Zero too castrating for them? And isn't the name Pepsi Max in a sense implying MAXimum calories? Pepsi Max actually sounds more fattening. Poor men. How much it must suck to have to constantly feel you need to prove your dick still works.

Oh well. At least it was a decent game. See you next year.

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