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Keep Houston Press Free
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Miss Pop Rocks’s Tips for Going Green

To conserve heat during winter months, drink more alcohol. Because alcohol is nature’s furnace.

Stop mowing the lawn. You’ll save gas and all the extra grass will provide a beautiful, undisturbed habitat for God’s bugs.

Before you replacing all your regular light bulbs with energy-saving light bulbs, simply steal electricity from your next-door neighbor using an extension cord.

Burn incense. It’s hippieish, and hippies are all into nature, man.

Don’t throw out old newspapers. Make neat stacks of them all around your house until you have to make little paths leading from room to room and then someone calls the Health Department to report your mental illness.

Green glass is so pretty! Don’t throw it out. Tie a rope around an empty Heineken bottle and boom. Instant necklace. (P.S. Works with a full bottle as well.)

Instead of driving your car to work, just don’t go.

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Support the independent voice of Houston and help keep the future of Houston Press free.

Limit the amount of laundry you do by wearing the same outfit over and over and over until it’s covered in stains and dirt and you stink really bad.

Get rid of junk mail by burning it in a huge pile in your backyard.

Save water by peeing in the shower. (Oh come on, you secretly enjoy it already.)

Only masturbate to Al Gore. – Jennifer Mathieu

Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.

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