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More Musical Medocrity For Houston's Private Party Of The Year

For those folks out there wondering if superlawyer Mark Lanier had suddenly -- after all these years -- finally developed good musical taste, you can rest assured: He hasn't.

Tort King Lanier is famous for his Christmas parties, elaborate (if liquor-free) bacchanals that feature kiddie rides, top-notch food and high-priced entertainment.

In the past, the acts have included Miley Cyrus, Dolly Parton, Brooks & Dunn and Reba McEntire. (Dolly and Reba have their moments, but tend to play their safest, most-generic hits at these events.)

This year's act will be....wait for it....Bon Jovi. Otherwise known as the New Jersey JV team, whose only career highlight was being roasted by Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. (Highlight: Heather Locklear refusing to answer whether Richie Sambora feathers his pubes.)

As we say, Lanier doesn't serve booze at his party, so there remains the frightening possibility of people enduring a Bon Jovi concert stone-cold sober.

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Not for the weak of heart.

Lanier told Texas Lawyer that he holds out hope of landing Paul McCartney next year, further demonstrating his unshakeable desire to stay as firmly on the middle of Mediocrity Road as possible. (We're talking about the rote oldies shows McCartney puts on nowadays, of course.)

Rod Stewart, you should be standing by your phone expecting a call any year now.

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