Two more shopping days left. I need money. You need money. So let's get to winning. And by winning let's find a way to weave more Rex Ryan "foot fetish" talk into a handicapping discussion. Can we do this? (Can we touch them? Can we smell them?)
I think we can.
BEARS-1 over Jets You can find a fraction of my Rex Ryan thoughts in yesterday's post, but as long as he is required to coach in a football game this weekend, then I will be fascinated watching him try to make the field his "sanctuary" from the scrutiny.
A few more thoughts on Foot-Gate 2010 -- first, as a fan of the "train wreck," how confident can I be that the Chicago crowd will bring the heat with inappropriate signs and uncomfortable chants? As NFL crowds go, the Chicago fans are probably a 6.5 in terms of harshness. Philadelphia, Oakland, and Cleveland (because of the ties to his brother) would have been my lottery picks. Second, does Rex Ryan scour the waiver wire each week for barefoot kickers and punters? Finally, was Rex's rendition of an inquiring police officer worthy of an IMDB.com credit? Four words..."Can I smell them?"
EAGLES -14 over Vikings Patrick Ramsey appears to be prominently involved in this game, that's all that needs to be said. But while I'm saying things, I'll use this paragraph to say a little prayer for soccer. Football can survive things like Brett Favre sexting dong pics and Michael Vick electrocuting dogs because when these guys screw up their "face of the NFL" status, there are ten more guys the league can go to. Soccer, not so much. In the U.S., it's pretty much Landon Donovan. So when the sport is trying to overcome a bit of a "soft sport" stereotype, it doesn't help one iota when Donovan seeks spousal support from his soon to be ex-wife in their divorce proceedings. Dude, man up. It's not like you deliver pizzas; you're an international soccer star. You have no kids. You should be able to make a go of it on your own. Seriously, dude...spousal support from your wife?
BENGALS -7.5 over Chargers Ryan Leaf is writing an autobiography. No wait, not just an autobiography, but an entire trilogy. Because apparently Leaf's been through enough trials and tribulations to fill three compelling books. Honestly, if I had to make a list of athletes on whom I would read three biographical books, Leaf would be roughly 10,000th on the list. (Top 3 would be Mike Tyson with no ghost writer, Ron Artest memoirs from his psychiatrist's couch, and a biographical rundown of all of Art Schlicter's tough gambling beats.) That said, I look forward to the part in the second book where Leaf's father slices off his right hand with a light saber before he takes the field for the Chargers. That is what happened, right?
RAIDERS +3 over Colts Little known fact -- I actually have "make a citizen's arrest" on my bucket list of things I want to accomplish. But if I do it, I want it to be legit -- bank robber, a mugging, rescuing Jack Bauer. I don't want it be like this Oklahoma City seventh-grade teacher....
A 13-year-old was arrested Friday in Oklahoma City, accused of violating a little-known city ordinance that prohibits possession of a permanent marker in some circumstances.
The teen was caught using a permanent marker at Roosevelt Middle School by a teacher, according to the crime report filed with the Oklahoma City Police Department.
Delynn Woodside noted the marker had bled through a piece of paper onto the desk and reported to a police officer that she also had seen the teen writing on the desk with the marker, the report said.
Woodside, a seventh-grade math teacher, made a citizen's arrest on the teen, and the police officer transferred the student to a Community Intervention Center that houses juveniles who have been arrested. The name of the minor was not released.
I'm not advocating graffiti, but a citizen's arrest? Wow. Heroic. I guess.
PACKERS -3 over Giants What does the gambling handbook say about betting on or against a team that blew a 21-point lead at home in the final seven minutes and lost the game on a punt return on the final play? I'll say fade them.
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BRONCOS +3 over Texans It's Christmas weekend, and Tim Tebow is prominently involved. That should be enough. But I'll go ahead and throw you a token "actual football" bone. For a first round pick, there are actually very few NFL quarterback things that Tim Tebow does well; however one of the things he is pretty good at is throwing a nice deep ball. The Texans secondary have made world-beaters out of receivers ranging from Pro Bowlers to pro bowlers...as in I think Seyi Ajirotutu was actually a professional bowler the week before he played the Texans. If Tebow throws for over 300 yards, David Gibbs and Frank Bush shouldn't be allowed on the bus.
And seeing as I type this thing completely stream-of-conscious style, I just now noticed that I picked six home teams. Subliminally, I am espousing the view that there's no place like home for the holidays, I guess. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good parlay!
Last Week: 2-4 Season Record: 52-37-1
Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 The Game from 3-7 p.m. weekdays on the "Sean & John Show" and follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.