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NBA Lucky Sperm Club: Javale McGee's Video Resume (Including His Moronic Goaltending Last Night)

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Lucky Sperm Club.

It's a term I often use for professional athletes who, if they weren't so genetically gifted, would be super-sizing french fries at the drive-through for the next 60 years. To be clear, the term is not meant for all physical freaks. Just the ones who display an IQ somewhere between a turnip and a Kardashian.

With a father who was a second-round pick in the 1985 NBA draft and a mother who actually played in the WNBA, Washington Wizards center Javale McGee is as close to a Lucky Sperm Club poster child as you can get.

This post started out as a few hundred words of snark about McGee's ridiculous goaltending in last night's game against Sacramento (more on this in a minute); however, McGee is one of those rare individuals who can singlehandedly send you into YouTube Related Video Hell.

It started with me searching out the goaltending, but then the sidebar had this video of two McGee open-floor gaffes, the first one where it appears a ghost poked the ball free as he went up for a meaningless windmill dunk, and the second one where he decides to take off from the free throw line but forgets that there's a person in his way:

Outstanding.

From there, I found this gem. It's a highlight package from the NBA Network of a 98-79 Wizards loss last March to the Chicago Bulls (including current Rockets coach Kevin McHale on commentary!) where McGee garnered his first career triple-double in fairly ignominious fashion:

After the game, McGee said, "I got a triple-double. Who can say they got a triple-double? I'm not really worried about it." Somewhere, Anthony Bowie approves.

Speaking of Kevin McHale, he was actually on the sidelines as Rockets coach for McGee's next trick. Remember this? The in-game alley-oop off glass to himself earlier this season?

That little stunt got McGee benched by then head coach Flip Saunders. Of course, Saunders wound up fired a few weeks later, so McGee actually lost the battle but won the war. Now, to the average NBA fan there's nothing more insulting than NBA players not putting forth maximum effort. More than anything else, players' dogging it is what spawns the stupid Joe Six Pack "If I was getting paid a million dollars to play a kid's game, blah blah blah" rhetoric, a pet peeve of mine.

Well, no one can blame McGee for not hustling back on defense on this play against the Toronto Raptors. There's just one problem...

...his team still had the ball. Miraculously, Javale McGee managed to discover the only kind of hustle worse than false hustle: Inadvertent hustle.

(NOTE: This clip is a good one because, if you watch the whole thing, you get a full taste of the train wreck that the TNT Studio Show has become with Shaq on there. He adds nothing, and often the show devolves into three guys trying to out-joke and talk over each other and Ernie Johnson shaking his head like a second grade teacher who can't control his classroom. For the life of me, I'll never understand why the TNT folks feel the need to constantly rotate a fourth man in with Ernie Johnson, Kenny Smith and the Chuckster. IT AIN'T BROKE. PLEASE DO NOT FIX!)

Which brings us back around to the reason I started typing about Javale McGee about 22 minutes ago -- this little gem from last night's game against Sacramento:

A volleyball spike into the crowd, another benching. Just the latest chapter in the chronicles of the world's biggest nine-year-old, Javale McGee.

I can't wait to see what he comes up with next!

Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 The Game from 6 a.m. to 11 a.m. weekdays, and watch the simulcast on Comcast 129 from 6 a.m. to 7:30 a.m. Also, follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.


Follow Hair Balls News on Facebook and on Twitter @HairBallsNews.

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